Chapter 57: I Am Cursed

A small mountain situated above the city center.

A church stood there like a symbol.

The stone steps leading up to it possessed a stubbornness that forbade not only carriages but even the smallest of handcarts.

Unless one carried a backpack, the only way up was on foot.

Or perhaps a great mage might fly up.

Or one could ignore the stairs entirely and climb through the forest.

A steep hill.

It was different from a sheer cliff or a canyon, but even those accustomed to mountain paths would likely choose the stairs over the wilderness.

However.

Kariel was actually more accustomed to such mountain paths.

In a way, climbing the stairs felt more arduous.

At first, he had wondered whether he should climb or not.

But deciding that there was surprisingly no need for hesitation, he immediately dashed toward the summit as if scaling the trees.

As he reached the final peak where the church came into view.

“…Oh, you climbed all the way up here?”

He encountered Alessia, who had just been following the groomed path toward the stairs.

Her attire was as he had first seen her: a garment with a characteristic golden cross embroidered on a white background over chainmail.

Though her backpack was small, she wore various pieces of equipment.

Furthermore, Saint Kariel’s Straight Sword had no scabbard yet; the blade was wrapped in cloth and hung from her waist.

Aside from that, since her armaments were on her back and waist, her hands were relatively free.

“I told Philbar just in case, but were you really planning to leave immediately?”

“…Yes. I wasn’t aware there was a Festival celebration.”

Perhaps, if today’s events hadn’t occurred, he might have stayed to see the festival.

His mind had changed.

The situation had changed.

Any excuse would do.

“Are you planning to leave as well, Alessia?”

“Um, well… I was thinking of going with you.”

“With me? To where?”

“To your destination.”

“…….”

Seeing Kariel’s silence, Alessia spoke with a hint of awkwardness.

“I heard the news. Just now, actually. I heard you left the capital under the pretext of a Holy Land Pilgrimage?”

“A Holy Land Pilgrimage?”

Kariel wondered for a moment if that was the excuse she had put forward.

It was likely Elhermina’s idea.

“I assume you now know clearly who I am.”

“…….”

Alessia closed her lips for a moment.

“I don’t know the details. Really.”

Even when she visited the capital years ago, she hadn’t been particularly interested in him.

She wondered why people around her cared so much about others’ business.

As the most pathetic among the Hero’s children, Kariel had been the target of condemnation and criticism in many ways.

Alessia, listening to it at the time, hadn’t thought much of it either.

It was surprisingly common for a descendant and heir of a famous family to act like a degenerate or a failure.

They could be twisted, or crushed by excessive expectations, pressure, and forced responsibility; she had seen countless examples of people breaking and warping.

In that sense, it wasn’t a rare occurrence.

Just because one had the blood of a Hero, did that make them an exception?

She shook her head firmly.

“It would be better to move before sunrise if you want to leave the city. If people start flooding in from the outside, it’ll take forever just to get out.”

As she turned back toward the stairs, he spoke to her.

“Don’t you have somewhere else to go, Alessia?”

“Because of this?”

She pointed to Saint Kariel’s sword hanging at her waist.

“I’ve already spoken to the priest, so I’ll just send a messenger for a more detailed report. I can just keep this with me and return it later.”

In other words.

She was saying she would follow Kariel.

“And how do you know where I’m going?”

“…If it’s about visiting Holy Sites, it’s related to me as well.”

Or.

“Or was that story just a rumor after all?”

“…….”

Kariel looked away from her for a moment and spoke.

“Strictly speaking, my coming here was a coincidence. I simply wanted to visit the place that is the origin of my name.”

Yet, strangely, he had encountered a bizarre twist of fate.

At that consideration and arrangement, his heart felt heavy once again.

It wasn’t what he wanted.

He hadn’t even expected it.

Not even in a simple imagination.

Perhaps they, and he, didn’t harbor excessive expectations for him.

It was simply that he had arrived where he was meant to be, and because the time had ripened, he had faced it.

“There is no need for you to follow me. You have neither the obligation nor the responsibility to do so.”

“What if I want to?”

“……Why?”

To want to.

What did that mean?

“What if I’m purely worried about you, and my heart leads me… to want to accompany you?”

“…….”

That… he didn’t understand.

“It’s strange. This is the first time you’ve met me, Alessia. Is there a reason… for you to feel an attachment to me in that short time?”

Alessia countered, sounding slightly appalled.

“Kariel. People… when people like someone, or feel interested in someone… it’s not always about weighing their positions, or calculating and considering things before deciding—ah, this is getting complicated. Anyway, you don’t have to analyze everything, right?”

“…Is that how it is?”

“Just because my heart goes there, because I want to. Isn’t that reason enough?”

“…….”

Is that so.

It sounded like something obvious.

But why did it sound so distant?

“Your interest and affection for me are excessive; it’s quite overwhelming.”

“No… if you put it that way, you’re making me embarrassed for no reason.”

Alessia averted her gaze.

“I appreciate the words. However… I am not in a position to have anyone accompany me on this journey.”

“Why? Do I… feel too overwhelming, like I just said?”

“Whether you are overwhelming… I’m not sure. I am grateful for the goodwill, and even for the hidden ulterior motives. I consider even that to be a grateful interest.”

……It was as if.

He was talking about himself as if he were talking about someone else.

As if he were describing sentences on parchment and scrolls, devoid of immersion and purely rational.

“Then, what if I want to be with you because I like you? When I say I like you… it’s not just a formality, you know? Ah, don’t tell me it’s because of my age or size….”

“That has nothing to do with it.”

He thought it was good.

Even ulterior motives would eventually become sincerity.

Not stopping at a simple spark, but fanning the embers more clearly.

One day, the flames would rise even higher.

Such passion and will.

The desire to possess.

The desire to be possessed.

…Affection.

Because the desire to love and be loved was conveyed so vividly.

Some might tease and call this lust or something similar.

Even so… if both parties are happy and satisfied, is that truly a lack of virtue or evil?

If the result of an impulse leads to future regret… that could certainly happen.

“When I left the capital, I let go of many things.”

Or rather, he threw them away.

“And one of the reasons for that is.”

Kariel spoke while looking up at the night sky.

“…….”

And as if blocking that night sky.

A girl with vivid gold was watching them, resting her chin on her hand with interest.

It was a blessing and a curse at the same time.

A curse and salvation at the same time.

Perhaps, if time were turned back and the same choice were given.

I would gladly.

Ten times, a hundred times.

I would make that choice again.

“I have made an Alliance with the Demon King.”

Those words.

Struck Alessia’s mind like a shock.

“What…?”

“It could be called a curse, or a contract.”

For example.

I cannot be complacent in reality.

If I do not bring down my father.

Eventually, everything connected to me will be destroyed.

Something like myself is no longer a problem.

I am grateful for the goodwill shown to me.

But that only makes it more overwhelming, more arduous.

As if the burden I carry only continues to grow.

While I am grateful.

…I am afraid.

Moreover, with someone who shows me affection.

Even if we were to unite and bear fruit.

…That would mean passing on the seed, the spark of the curse I am bound by.

How could they possibly handle that?

Even if I want to close my eyes and ignore it.

Even if I want to leave it alone and stand by.

It is already far too late.

“…….”

But.

Nevertheless, because of that, he had regained the leisure to look up at the night sky purely.

Therefore, he does not resent.

He does not hate.

This result is also his share.

A strictly personal choice.

“Yes. As you can see, I am cursed. And that is likely something no one in this era can possibly do anything about.”

“W-wait a moment. I think I misheard you….”

“No. You heard correctly. I’ll say it again. I am cursed by the Demon King, and there is something I must do for that.”

Therefore.

“I am not in a position to have anyone accompany me. I don’t have that luxury.”

“That’s not true! That’s exactly why I should!”

“Lady Alessia.”

Kariel bowed his head deeply.

“Thank you very much. Thanks to your interest and affection… I was able to be saved for a short while.”

However.

“In the end, whether it is relief or salvation, all of it is solely one’s own share. That is the one thing no one else can do for you.”

“…What if you can’t do it yourself? What if your situation makes it impossible?”

Alessia remembered.

She had experienced it in her own childhood—the feeling of being in a situation where there was nothing she could do.

But.

That is where the difference between the two diverged.

This was an unbridgeable gap.

Kariel had certainly obtained the assistance of the Demon King.

But even that assistance was only possible because he had steeled his own resolve.

By enduring pain and accepting irrationality.

Because he had steeled his resolve and persevered, it became possible.

If he hadn’t, would the Demon King have left him alone?

Could Kariel himself have changed into who he is now?

“That, too, is ultimately fate and destiny.”

That is why.

He gave up on praying.

Also, the idea that someone would show him unconditional goodwill.

He stopped expecting it, trusting it, or dreaming of it.

He didn’t know about others.

But at least, not him.

Therefore, if there is one who cannot save themselves.

If there is a being who must be saved only through another.

“…I believe that, too, is their given share.”

In the end, that is the story.

Accepting that fact entirely is one’s own part.

And violently rejecting that fact and running wild.

That, too, is entirely one’s own share.

Collapsing because no answer is visible is a choice.

And even while believing no answer will be found, wandering the path of thorns until one’s hands and feet are broken to find the answer in the end.

…That is also one’s own share.

I realized this… while facing the Demon King.

And to keep that realization from becoming meaningless.

If I do not want a past drenched in regret to be overlaid with even deeper regret.

…Even complacency was impossible, and the time to collapse was too precious to waste.

“You, Alessia, and many people I met here have become entangled with my curse. Therefore, if only to prevent that… I must resolve this problem.”

“You’re not just saying that, really…?”

“Words said ‘just because’ wouldn’t be this heavy, would they?”

Kariel traced a clumsy smile.

Alessia felt a great sadness at that.

He had never once shown a proper smile until now.

And yet, he puts on a forced smile at words that aren’t even a joke.

Is it self-derision? Or a form of self-reproach?

“Even if I have to accept that, if I still want to follow you? If I… that much….”

“Thank you.”

Words of rejection, not acceptance.

“As much as I cherish you, I believe I can put in the effort. I do not want you.”

To become unhappy.

Especially if it is due to some fateful irrationality or malice that she herself is unaware of.

“I can only find strength when I am alone.”

Because if someone is by my side.

I will want to rely on them immediately.

I will want to lean on them.

That feeling is so intense.

…That I feel as if I might soon forget how I ever stood on my own two feet.

……He could not possibly handle such weakness.

More so than when he was with others, when he was with Alessia.

That longing, that desire, that thirst became even more severe.

Because it felt as if she would embrace him without any resistance.

To think that unconditionally given goodwill and affection.

Could be this burdensome.

“That is the reason. You have done nothing wrong. Rather, you deserve gratitude.”

This is simply.

“My own weakness.”

“…….”

There were many things to say.

Many words came to mind.

That she could easily… do something about it.

It would have been possible to pour out bold assurances.

But for some reason, her lips would not part.

It was because of Kariel’s expression and his gaze.

Having completely let go of himself.

That gaze, which seemed only to worry about her….

“What if the method you’re attempting doesn’t solve it? Or if there’s another way?”

“…….”

Kariel suddenly looked up into the air.

There was nothing there.

It was certain that there was nothing.

But for a split second.

Alessia felt as if she saw something.

However, she didn’t know what it was.

All that came to mind was a brilliant gold.

“Please do not worry.”

Kariel spoke with a surprisingly peaceful face.

“I don’t vaguely resent anyone, but still, the fact that things reached this point… is the fault of certain people.”

He wouldn’t harbor baseless resentment.

He wouldn’t hate the wrong person by mistaking the target of his resentment.

“And that is also the reason I was cursed.”

A curse if it’s a curse.

A contract if it’s a contract.

Anything is fine.

I will keep my promise.

I’m not trying to say something embarrassing about protecting precious people.

To be honest, that’s a problem for later.

Even if someone tells me I’m too spoiled, or asks how it’s possible to harbor such a fierce grudge over such a thing.

No matter what they say to me.

…What is that to me?

“Thank you for loving me.”

And perhaps.

“If the day comes when I can lay down the burden I carry, could you come find me again then?”

At that time.

I will be able to gladly welcome your affection.

In the end.

My failure leads to her unhappiness.

And beyond that, it will lead to the unhappiness of countless others.

The fact that Elhermina happened to harbor affection for me at this moment.

If I fail to fulfill my role, it will lead to the unhappiness of her and those around her.

And this will soon spread to the unhappiness of the Empire.

“…….”

That damn woman probably didn’t confess her love to me while thinking that far.

My feelings for Elhermina are nothing more than admiration.

If I refined them further, it would be respect.

Affection is not included in that.

I don’t know how it might change later, but I am a bit skeptical about whether that ‘later’ will ever come.

But Alessia is different.

…If her heart does not change.

Though inwardly, he hoped it would change.

Because that would be more beneficial for her.

“……Then I suppose I should work hard too.”

In a sunken voice.

Looking at Kariel with somewhat hollow eyes.

That is what she said.

“?”

“If the virtues I accumulate increase, perhaps He will listen to my prayers a little more.”

Alessia wore a sorrowful smile.

“So from now on, I shall pray for you.”

So that you do not become unhappy.

So that you can find even a little more strength.

“…I don’t know how I will change either.”

If my heart still hasn’t changed by then.

“…Then I hope you’ll accept my confession. Ah… but you have to finish your business quickly, okay? I’m getting up there in age… if I miss the timing, I’ll have to live alone forever, won’t I? I don’t know if I were as deeply devout as some people who dedicate their bodies to God and all… but I’m a worldly person. So I want to get married quickly, have children, suffer a bit less, and just live happily.”

So.

“…….”

Staring at her, who could not bring herself to continue.

Kariel lightly bowed his head.

Then he passed her and headed toward the stairs.

As the words continued to lengthen.

As the voice seemed to grow increasingly damp.

Because a face that couldn’t maintain its composure was momentarily visible.

He decided to deliberately look away.

Whether that would be a wound to her.

Or a comfort.

…Honestly, he didn’t know.

But he hoped it would be a comfort.

Please.

May all those who seek find their paths unfolding with ease.

May the world become a little more… kind, just as she wishes.

And may it become a little more peaceful.

Yet, I do not pray.

I only… hope.

And I simply let those hopes drift away, carried by the wind.