Chapter 90: That's Why I'm Doing It

-To be honest, I wonder if it’s right to tell you this at this point.

…What kind of trick are you trying to pull now?

While the Demon King was suddenly laying the groundwork.

Luiness returned.

I suspected she had stepped out for a moment to show her face, ensuring the children wouldn’t be anxious due to the commotion outside.

I didn’t know if it was because she lacked medical knowledge, or perhaps because she had examined his condition earlier.

Luiness’s expression hardened further as she inspected Kariel’s body.

“How were you able to… move with a body in such a state?”

“…….”

Full-body muscle pain was, in truth, nothing.

To put it another way, his physical condition was that severe.

If one were fully aware of the pain, it would feel like being in hell.

One’s consciousness would be sucked into the agony, and the most they could do would be to struggle, curling their body up like a baby.

…Nevertheless, he endured.

Right now, overcoming it wasn’t the issue; the act of enduring itself held the meaning.

“You’ll feel a bit more comfortable now.”

Luiness reached out and touched his forehead.

As a faint, pure white light emanated from her hand.

His body felt a little more at ease.

“It’s difficult for me to fully heal you with my current skill, but I can at least lessen the pain.”

“Dulling the senses, then.”

Ases spoke up, acknowledging the technique.

And separately from that.

-That ability of yours to peek into the pasts and memories of others is originally a privileged power held by only a tiny minority among High Elves. I’ve stayed quiet until now because I felt that if you started revealing this, you’d live too easily in this world in a different sense… but you’re not in a position to be that pampered right now.

“…….”

Now you’re telling me that….

The Demon King had a remarkable talent for being irritating, to the point where it was difficult to control one’s emotions.

-Since you’re relying on this, the way you treat others will become more consistent. Communication is a mutual interaction. Anything one-sided is bound to become distorted. That’s why I objectively thought it would be more useful for you to realize this later. I wouldn’t have told you if it weren’t for a crisis like this, right?

“…….”

“Are you alright? Your expression….”

“No. I feel much better.”

As the pain actually diminished significantly, it became easier to breathe.

As if filling that void, chills surged rapidly through him.

It wasn’t that he had forgotten the cold because of the pain.

Until a moment ago, both symptoms had been ravaging his entire body simultaneously, making it feel like death.

Now, even the cold sweat felt irritating, as if thorns were scratching across his skin.

-This woman before you has many secrets. However, she has opened her heart to you to some extent. You don’t need much. That amount is enough.

“…….”

-Later on, even that won’t be necessary.

Is she telling me to test this ability on Luiness right now?

-If you feel that understanding her will create obstacles in your path, then don’t do it. But you have doubts, don’t you?

“…….”

-I’ll tell you the method, so whether you do it or not is your choice. And, even if I tell you, it’s not something you’ll be able to do immediately.

The Demon King explained repeatedly.

-You don’t see with your eyes. You see with your mind. It’s not that the mind uses the eyes to observe, but that you see, hear, and feel with your mind. That sensation is key. This is in the same realm as a person without limbs understanding limbs.

‘No.’

I understand.

I simply didn’t know whether I could do it or not.

Thanks to the Demon King’s explanation, it was as if a lock had been released.

In a flash, the method became clear.

Starting with Luiness’s touch on my forehead.

I gradually sank deeper into a place beyond.

The sensation was somewhat similar to previous experiences.

Though I didn’t know if it was because I intended it this time.

…It felt as if I had voluntarily stepped into a thick fog.

It was a bit vague.

====

It was a world seen through the eyes of a young girl.

She was employed as a servant and maid in a Noble Household.

But the master was her own blood relative.

However, when the man who was her father died, the family fortune declined rapidly.

In the process of being hounded by debt collectors and selling off assets for a pittance.

Their lives, having been kicked out even from the mansion where they resided, were truly miserable.

No, the only one who truly felt it was miserable was likely her younger brother.

He was young, suffered from a disability, and because of his eccentric personality, no one understood him.

“Where is there a servant who earns money instead of the master!”

Once their assets were empty, the girl voluntarily threw herself into various jobs.

And the boy, who had to watch this scene, could not understand it at all and ended up snapping.

“I have nothing left! I have nothing to give you! Why do you keep staying?!”

“…….”

The girl asked herself.

The reason?

She didn’t know.

Because they were blood relatives?

The only one?

Did blood relation mean anything to her?

No.

Rather, because they were blood relatives, hadn’t her father treated her that way?

Before coming here, her life had been truly wretched.

She had simply failed to die.

Even death was impossible by her own will.

They had maintained strict control over her, claiming that their deaths would be a breach of contract.

Most people became states of being alive but not living.

She should have been the same.

“…….”

Originally, her hair was not this color.

But now, it bore a pale light, as white as the sky.

Her eyes had also lost their color.

There was no problem with her vision, but… because of this, how often had people around her struck her, calling her ominous?

…In truth, she felt nothing.

“I was requested by the Head of the House.”

“Did Father save your life or something?!”

“……It’s the opposite.”

“What?”

Though he gave birth to her, it was also his will to sell her to them.

The reunion with her family, which she thought was a coincidence, turned out to be a planned result.

Her father had believed she would be dead or in a state more miserable than death.

…Because ‘he’ had come on the day of her father’s funeral.

And told her the truth.

Her father.

Until the moment he died.

He was a pitiful and shameless parent.

……….

To anyone, she appeared devoted.

Among those who valued her for that, there were noble people.

Some offered her a position as a personal servant, some offered considerable pay, and some even suggested she become a concubine.

She rejected them all.

Eventually, the girl and the boy with the disabled legs had to head to the city in search of work and a place to live.

But even that reached its limit.

“How long am I supposed to just be taken care of by you?!”

She had overlooked it.

No, perhaps she had ignored it.

Even though she knew that simply taking care of him wasn’t the answer.

There was no room in her heart to consider such things.

His once neat clothing was now shabby and worn, unlike before.

The only thing still intact was his iron cane.

Aside from that, everything about him had become pathetic.

The sight of him trying to leave that place by any means, with a clumsy and miserable rhythm of indignation.

The girl could only watch blankly, unable to even stop him.

When she finally came to her senses and chased after him.

She saw him fallen in the middle of the street, having dropped his cane.

And then.

…A carriage was speeding toward him.

-That’s enough.

The girl lunges.

Embracing the boy, she is struck and trampled by horse hooves.

She is hit by the body of the carriage and flung away as if crushed by the wheels.

-Are you going to experience that exactly as it happened? You’ll die if you do.

And this entire scene, as if watching from a distance.

However.

Everything was distorted.

I am here now, borrowing her memories.

Therefore, I could not know the parts she did not remember.

“If it had ended like that.”

The current Luiness would not exist.

…….

…….

“Thank you for your concern.”

“…….”

She seemed to regret that her abilities were insufficient.

“If the nun had been here….”

“It’s alright.”

Kariel blinked, as if telling her not to worry.

His physical condition hadn’t improved.

The pain had simply receded slightly.

Even that returned to its original state as soon as she removed her hand.

‘Is it inevitable?’

Cries of protest echo.

If I had just stayed quietly at home, I wouldn’t have suffered this pain.

That’s true, but also false.

What kind of hardship is this, blindly coming outside?

That’s true, but also false.

It’s equally miserable wherever you are.

…Of course, compared to this desperate pain I feel now, the anguish and suffering of those days might feel like childish whining.

Until I became like this, weren’t every single moment spent there painful?

“…….”

Luiness.

Why is she here?

And why is the past I glimpsed so bleak? So dismal?

“So, what do you plan to do now? Are you just going to lie here and rest, or are you going to move?”

Ases pulled him back to reality just as he was sinking into thought.

Venus had left a short while ago after hearing Kariel’s message.

“…I do have something to do.”

“What is it?”

“Before that.”

Kariel reached out his hand.

“Could you help me up?”

“You’re thinking of borrowing the hand of a fragile woman like me? Out of all the people here?”

“…….”

“Honestly, you can’t take a joke. Why have you become so boring?”

I barely manage to pull myself up while holding her hand.

At the same time.

Through her eyes, I could glimpse my childhood self.

At a glance, I was the definition of a brat.

The only difference from my current self was that my hair was neatly groomed, making my features, including my forehead, look very clear.

But still, I was just a brat.

The girl was being shunned by those around her.

A princess of a foreign land, her exceptional talent, concepts of thought, and way of thinking were distinctly different from others.

Above all, since no common ground was ever formed among peers.

She mostly spent her time with adults.

Hunting Magic Beasts. Organizing troops. Facing danger and fighting struggles.

Nevertheless, those who knew her circumstances kept their distance.

“Everyone can be different, right?”

Because God said that even a single weed was born with a meaning.

“Ases. Maybe the reason Big Sister is different from others is so she can do things that others cannot?”

“Is that so?”

The girl brushed it off as if it were nothing impressive.

But she was simply not showing it.

…Even though everyone feared the young girl, this brat, younger than her, acknowledged her existence fundamentally, not out of naivety.

How much of a deep comfort that had been to the girl at the time.

“I was thinking of accompanying you during your stay.”

“I’d love that!”

Those around them described Kariel, who showed favor toward Ases, as a peculiar child.

The Lake Demon.

By the time she was over ten, she was already being called that.

Ases did not doubt that Kariel’s favor would continue.

However.

That was a grave misconception.

Because he treated everyone.

Just as he treated her.

One day, she couldn’t help but ask demandingly.

“Why are you so obsessed with helping others when you possess such a convenient ability?”

To Ases, the way he persuaded others and made them open the locks of their hearts was nothing short of an ability.

It was natural for him, but impossible for Ases herself.

“What do you mean? Isn’t it natural to help as many people as possible if you can?”

Natural?

“Why? Why help? They should be the ones upholding you. You are a noble being. No one can replace you. It’s a waste of time and efficiency for you to act the same as them. Losing you would be a greater waste. Even if others don’t know, you must know, right?”

Why live altruistically?

Why try to devote oneself to others?

“You were born as a human who has the right to be selfish by birth! Why don’t you realize that?”

That many people received help and were saved by his touch was certainly… a noble journey.

But what about him himself?

At first, she wondered if he was doing it to prove his value as a hostage, but he wasn’t.

He was just like that originally.

“…Sister. A world that only considers things like efficiency, productivity, and profit… will become another hell for those who cannot follow it. I hate that.”

“That’s how civilization has developed. Even if you pull the weak along, there’s a limit to consideration. You want to take care of everyone individually from the moment they’re born until they die of old age? How is that different from livestock? If they’re human, they should take care of themselves. Who are you trying to help or save? I’d accept it if it were some governing ideology that rulers often spout for the sake of the people, but you think you can actually achieve that sincerely? It’s impossible. It’s impossible.”

“I know that well. That it’s impossible.”

“Then just don’t do it. Knowing full well it won’t work.”

“That’s why I do it.”

That’s why he does it.

“Since everyone gives up because they know it won’t work, I thought, why not let me try?”

This is why being smart is a problem.

Since it’s obvious it won’t work, why bother? Is there a need? Is there meaning in effort? Value? How much work must be put in? Time? Effort? What gain is obtained from that?

…All those calculations and questions were merely excuses.

She realized that.

Through that exchange.

However, that did not become salvation.

Only.

That it gave her the knowledge of the path to take, and the courage to move forward on that path.

That was certain.