Chapter 98

Chapter 98

“Must be from coming out of the water. I didn’t think of this. It’s hard to keep my form. I must look terrible right now, don’t I?”

She was trembling—barely. She didn’t want Luka to see her like this. And why would she? Luka had worshipped her for her beauty. Lady Bandark was afraid he might see her looking anything less than perfect.

For a moment, water began to spill from her mouth as well. She seemed to be having even more trouble holding herself together than before. Watching her, I flailed both hands in a panic.

“I-If it bothers you…”

I’d meant to say that if it bothered her, I’d just leave. But just then, a chilling sensation began creeping up from behind me. Even without turning around, I could easily grasp the situation. Luka had fully revealed himself.

“If it… bothers you…”

The chilling presence grew stronger, drawing closer to me. Then finally, it pressed tight against my back. With a tense heart, I slowly turned around. Luka’s gaunt face immediately filled my vision.

Of all things, he was fixing a sharp glare on Madam Bandark. Then, in an instant, he whipped his head around to look at me. But suddenly, tears began streaming from his eyes. And what’s more, he looked unbearably sorrowful.

“Lu, Luka…?”

I called out to him, flustered. In response, Luka thrust his face toward mine. At the same moment, my vision went dark.

A woman covered in freckles was staring at me—no, at Luka. Her eyes were full of worry.

“Luka, will you be alright going like this?”

She grabbed Luka’s arm and asked. But Luka didn’t answer. He only quietly looked around. Soon, a massive mansion came into view before his eyes. It seemed he was on the path leaving House Bandark with the freckled maid.

“Yeah. Let’s go.”

Luka turned back to the maid and said. And so, side by side, they walked through the mansion’s garden, about to step out the front gate.

“No, this won’t do.”

But at some point, Luka stopped in his tracks. He pulled his arm free from the maid’s grip, turned around, and ran back toward the mansion. An unknown emotion was surging within him. His heart pounded wildly. I couldn’t tell if it was fear, excitement, or something in between. So I had to strain myself to focus on that feeling a little more.

“Madam!”

Luka reached Madam Bandark’s room. But she wasn’t there. Gasping for breath, he turned instead toward the terrace. He pushed open the large glass door and stepped out onto the terrace. A square pond immediately came into view.

In that instant, the world around him seemed to swallow every sound into silence. His mind went blank—nothing but a pale face rising before his eyes, not even fully closed. Thin strands of hair and the billowing folds of her dress lay tangled among the waterweeds and lotus flowers.

“…….”

Luka stepped toward the pond one foot at a time. He stopped at one edge of its square frame and simply stared down at her. And in that moment, absurdly, I thought he looked like a tilted picture frame. It was because her death refused to settle into reality. I felt as if I’d slipped into a hallucination, watching a painting without substance.

Suddenly, someone grabbed Luka’s arm and pulled. His body tilted sideways, and he saw a freckle-faced maid saying something to him—but her voice never reached him.

“……What……? Why……?”

Luka’s muttered voice drifted hollowly through the air. The maid, finding his behavior strange, turned her head and looked down at the pond. When she met the lady’s corpse, she screamed and collapsed on the spot.

In no time, the manor’s servants flooded onto the terrace. But even then, Luka just stood there without moving. He didn’t stir until the head of House Bandark arrived.

The head of the house spotted his wife and scrambled into the pond. He lifted her lifeless body in his arms, then glared at Luka and shouted something. At that, the knights of House Bandark seized Luka and dragged him out of the room.

* * *

When I opened my eyes again, I was locked in a cold cell.

“Young lady……”.

Luka curled into himself and called out to her with just his lips. But then, in that instant, his head spun wildly. I could feel his mind collapsing under a weight too heavy to bear—so agonizing that it wouldn’t have been strange if he stopped breathing right there.

He fell unconscious from the shock. When I opened my eyes again, her figure appeared before me, wearing a thin nightgown. My heart began to pound, as naturally as breathing. I swallowed a breath and took a few steps closer to her.

“No. Closer.”

She grabbed me and pulled me in. Then the scent of her skin, mingled with a faint trace of perfume, touched my nose. A forbidden desire surged inside me—one that must never be discovered. I wanted her. But I knew I shouldn’t. She was someone I dared not covet. My heart should only ever look up to her, nothing more.

“The young lady is even more precious because she’s beautiful.”

If that’s the case, then let me remain as nothing more than her knight, her follower. If staying by her side in even that capacity is possible, it wouldn’t be a bad choice.

Blink. The scene shifted. This time I was in the kitchen, peeling potatoes. Then a maid sitting beside me suddenly asked a question.

“Do you like being with the young lady too?”

What could I possibly have answered to that?

“I like being with her because I love her.”

Then she would ask me again. Probably like this.

“She’s not that lovely a face, is she? Honestly…”

“The young lady isn’t someone to be judged by her face alone. It’s not just her face—it’s her bearing, her actions, everything together. I love her. I felt it from the very first time I saw her. From that day I nearly starved to death, I loved her.”

Yes. I love her.

Of course, I wanted to answer like that. But I couldn’t. Because I knew all too well that it would be nonsense. Such things could only be realized in imagination. In reality, I had to keep my place.

“…You know, Luka. Don’t set your heart on the young lady.”

“I’ve never dared to think of her that way. To me, the young lady is… a sanctuary. Yes, a sanctuary.”

So she is just… someone I look up to. That’s all. That’s all it can be.

* * *

“Do you think I can live well at the Bandark estate?”

The young lady didn’t wish for marriage with House Bandark. She seemed to want a much freer life. But she was too fragile to seek that freedom on her own.

Of course, I could have run away with her. But I didn’t. What could a noblewoman do outside her own house? She couldn’t eat the cakes she loved, couldn’t wear pretty clothes. That would only make her, who had lived so pampered, miserable.

So she had to be treated well and meet a noble worthy of her. That’s why I had to stay forever in that position where I could only look up to her. Naturally, by her side.

“It seems she’s been in low spirits lately. I was thinking of making her a hair ornament in the madam’s favorite color.”

But for some reason, the young lady seemed unhappy even after marrying that noble.

“That’s troubling…”

“Troubling?”

“Yeah. When the madam is down, it always shows on her face. It dims her beauty.”

To the maid’s question, I could only repeat the same thing about the young lady’s beauty like a broken record. Because I had to worship her.

No. That’s not it. The truth was, I loved her. But I knew that no matter what I felt, we could never end well. So instead, I wished that she could live happily with the head of House Bandark.

Even if the master didn’t love the young lady, it didn’t matter. That was just a matter of time, after all. Wasn’t the young lady worthy of love? If only someone let their gaze linger on her beautiful form even once, they would fall helplessly in love. Just as I had in my youth.

* * *

“What? Worried about Madam again?”

She asked me.

“She’s always so gloomy…”

It was strange. The young lady kept crumbling. She still wasn’t happy, and watching her like that grew more painful for me each day. Even more so because it was something I could do nothing about.

“…I don’t think I can bear to watch her anymore.”

And so I decided it might be better to just get her out of my sight. I didn’t want to endure my own heart any longer.

“Should we get married?”

So I made a casual suggestion, without much thought. But at my not-quite-a-confession, her face flushed bright red and she began to stammer. Only then did I realize that this girl had feelings for me.

Yes. Her heart was right. Mine, on the other hand, was wrong. Loving the young lady was something I had no right to. I had loved beyond my station. But a life with this girl—that was a future I could actually picture.

We’d suit each other well. Loving the young lady had only ever brought me pain. Even now, watching her fall apart was agony.

“If I stay here, I’ll only end up watching the person I love fall to pieces. I don’t want that.”

For a moment, a wave of bitter gloom surged up inside me.

I’m not strong enough. I just want to run away.