Chapter 1: Born at the Wrong Time

They lived happily ever after.

That is.

Whose fairy tale is that for?

The nine Heroes who saved the world.

The Knight of Radiance, leader of the Heroes, and the Saintess.

The only son born between the two.

I was born amidst such countless blessings.

But perhaps, I was simply born at the wrong time.

Contrary to everyone’s expectations, I am an utterly ordinary human.

That was my Original Sin.

====

10th place.

It is not a high rank.

Nor is it a low one.

“Lord Kariel is the same as always.”

The idle chatter of the gatekeepers drifted in on the wind.

“To have such an unsightly son from such a great father. The father is a dragon, while the brat is a lizard? Is that how the metaphor went?”

“Why don’t you… just shut your mouth?”

“Why? Did I say something wrong?”

“He’s still the Young Master of the house; are you actually insane? Even if you only kept it to yourself, it’s blasphemy—how can you just blurt it out so casually?”

It hasn’t even been a full day, yet I wonder how the news spread all the way to the Family Home.

With a sigh, I climbed over the wall and entered through the back door of the residence.

“How pointless.”

Stroking my hair, which had grown long long ago, I spent a moment huddled in the corner of my room.

-Knock, knock.

“Y-Young Master? You’ve returned, right?”

“…Why?”

“The Madam asked me to bring you to her once you arrived….”

“I get it.”

I opened the door immediately and traversed the hallway.

“W-Wait! Your, your attire!”

“…It’s fine.”

I roughly smoothed down my hair with my hand—hair so long it threatened to cover my eyes.

“Don’t follow me.”

“Ah….”

I could feel her standing frozen in the middle of the hallway, but I deliberately ignored her.

There was no point in having her accompany me; I wouldn’t hear anything pleasant, so why seek such luxury?

“…….”

I paused to catch my breath in an area far from the Reception Room, then calmly moved toward my destination.

“It’s me.”

Since the door wasn’t closed, I signaled my arrival by announcing myself rather than knocking.

“Come in.”

“Yes.”

As I entered the Reception Room, a woman in a pure white dress was seated there.

The swelling of her abdomen was particularly prominent.

Naturally, I lowered my chin and fixed my gaze on the carpet on the floor.

“…I heard the news.”

“…….”

“Your efforts were lacking.”

“…….”

Lacking, huh.

At this point, I’ve heard it so often I’m not even sick of it.

Yes, that’s the normal reaction.

…So why does it feel strange every time this happens?

It feels as if my heart is about to burst.

It feels as if my lungs are collapsing.

An unpleasant sensation, as if a needle were being forcibly shoved deep into my lower abdomen.

I forced myself to resist the urge to bite my lip with my molars.

“I apologize for my failure.”

“…Why do you do things that leave you with nothing to apologize for?”

“…….”

“You are a child who can succeed if you simply apply yourself. Where on earth is your mind wandering?”

“…….”

“Why is there no answer? Are you at a loss for words? Or… do you find this unacceptable?”

I feel suffocated.

“…No.”

“I can feel emotion in your voice. Are you perhaps feeling wronged, Kariel?”

“Not… at all.”

“Are you lying to your mother right now?”

And then.

“…Why have you let your hair grow so long? I recall telling you to trim it regularly; is my memory incorrect?”

“…No.”

“Then, are you defying me now?”

“…….”

“Why, again, is there no answer?”

I’m going crazy.

Cold sweat pours down.

My mind grows hazy, and my consciousness is washed in white.

If it were nothing, it might truly be nothing.

…But there was no moment where I felt more pathetic than this.

I don’t know why.

Because at some point, I gave up trying to think about it.

This is simply a time to endure and withstand.

Without reason, without anything, just….

“Do you think your mother’s words are meaningless?!”

She snaps.

I flinch, but I regulate my breathing as much as possible so as not to show it outwardly.

With my lips tightly pressed together.

Clenching my jaw so my teeth wouldn’t grind.

Like that, I focused on deep breathing for a moment.

“I said you were surely a blessing bestowed by the world. To us, you are truly irreplaceable….”

However.

The words do not continue beyond that.

I don’t know why.

I’ve never even thought about it.

In the first place, it has nothing to do with me.

She is simply rambling as she pleases.

“You are the child of Lueld and I, Ermina. Why… do you not do the things that would take only a little effort?”

“…….”

“Do you not wish to answer?”

The lecture continues.

I have nothing to say.

Even if I spoke, it wouldn’t reach her.

Whatever I say would only sound like an excuse.

No, perhaps it really is an excuse.

“…That will be all. Go and rest.”

I bowed my head, and until I stepped out the door, I neither turned my back nor lifted my head.

“Young… Master.”

“I told you not to come, why… Sigh. Forget it.”

Irritation surged, but no matter how quietly I scolded her here, it would all be captured by her hearing.

Without a word, I walked down the hallway and returned to my room.

“…….”

I can’t even play an instrument here.

To relieve this suffocating feeling, I intended to venture out tonight, as I always did.

-Knock, knock.

“…Why?”

“Young Master, I heard that Lord Lueld is returning home today….”

“Ah, fuck….”

I struggled to suppress the curse.

“Do I have time to waste?”

But even this remained only as a thought within my mouth.

It’s probably because the birth date is near.

Until then, my mother had been running around here and there for missions and charity work.

“Sigh.”

Screeech.

Inside my temples, I heard an unknown metallic grinding sound.

No.

Perhaps it was echoing from the depths of my chest.

====

“What? 10th? You mean 10th in the whole school? That’s wonderful. I couldn’t even do that in my day.”

“Luel.”

“Ah, but it’s true, isn’t it?”

Letting the cheerful voice flow in one ear and out the other, I focused on my meal.

Neither too fast nor too slow.

I have to finish this to leave this spot.

On the rectangular table sat dishes that would normally be mouth-watering, but I focused only on what was in front of me.

“Still, when things aren’t working out or when it’s hard? I had plenty of times like that too. But that’s something everyone goes through. So don’t blame yourself too much or be disappointed.”

“Luel. Kariel is the son of you and I.”

“Hey, who doesn’t know that?”

“Please do not forget that just as people expect much from us, the expectations for that child are great. The children of Your Majesty and Melin, and Variel’s children, are all meeting everyone’s expectations.”

“W-Well, that’s….”

“Remember. At Kariel’s current age, you had already defeated a Demon Legion Commander.”

“Ugh.”

The brief pause in speech meant the target of the conversation had changed.

“Kariel. Are you listening properly?”

“…Yes.”

“Kal.”

A man’s voice intervened.

“You should look at the person you are speaking to. I may be fine with it, but your mother is speaking, is she not?”

“…….”

Suppressing a sigh, I shifted my gaze slightly.

“They say the eyes are the window to the soul, Kal.”

“…And?”

“Right now, in your eyes, not even the image of me or your mother is properly reflected, let alone anything else.”

“…….”

So what about it?

“There is no need to give up or be so frustrated. I’ve told you repeatedly, haven’t I? Academy grades aren’t that important.”

“I know.”

“You know, then why do you have those eyes? Does it bother you that much to have lost to your friends?”

“…….”

You are always like this.

Without knowing a single thing.

“That’s all because your heart is weak. If you put more effort into training your mind and body, you can definitely become like your father, so never give up. Even your dad had many times when his heart grew weak and things were hard, but it all depends on your mindset. Look at your father. That’s how I saved the world, isn’t it?”

I am not sitting here to listen to a lecture.

“…I’m finished.”

I set down the utensils, lightly wiped my mouth with a napkin, and rose from my seat.

“Kariel! Your father is speaking, what is this lack of manners…?!”

“Ah! Honey! It’s okay! He’s at an age where he’s sensitive, we have to be understanding.”

What exactly is she understanding?

The absurdity made me want to hurl a few words back, but I pretended not to hear and left the room.

Nothing changes anyway.

I’ll just kill time, rot away, and quietly disappear.

If existing itself is a sin, then I should vanish.

The fear is only momentary.

In the end, I will accept that as the best choice.

“…….”

Anyway, a new sibling will be born soon, and they will fill the void on their own.

I do not expect.

I do not trust.

I do not dream.

I don’t want to become any more miserable than this.

“Before.”

Before—the memory is faint, but when I was very young, I feel like the world wasn’t this blurry.

Since when did the world become so bleak, to the point where I couldn’t see an inch in front of me?

Because I’m not a genius?

Because I have no talent?

Because my efforts were lacking?

Because I have no motivation?

At some point.

I truly stopped wanting to do anything.

If there is one thing I wish for.

…Just leave me alone.

Because I feel like I’m going to die from suffocation.

Please, just let me breathe….