Chapter 14: Look at Me. Look at Me

Just after sunrise.

Thanks to his mother being half-bedridden, his father—having heard the news from some source—returned to the Family Home belatedly.

“Kariel. Did you really… have to go that far?”

He didn’t understand the point of the question.

Did he have to?

“Or what? Did you want me to let Patina satisfy her base desires by letting her beat me? Like a dog? And if I were beaten like that, what would you have said then?”

“I—there was no reason for Patina to go that far. I know you were both heated, but even so…”

“Why are you so sure there was no reason? By whose authority?”

“You and I, we know her character better than anyone. Why do you keep pushing things in a negative direction…”

“Perhaps she just happens to take her temper out on me specifically.”

“That’s… because she has high expectations for you. It’s been that way since you were a child, hasn’t it?”

“Who told her to have expectations? Based on what, exactly?”

The more they spoke, the more anger accumulated.

He didn’t even want to associate with him, but…

“Anyway, it’s possible for things to escalate when you’re fighting. I don’t intend to scold you for that. But… don’t you think it was a bit excessive to show that sight to your mother, at the very least?”

“Why is that? You said people can get hurt while fighting. Then, since it was a real fight, isn’t that possible? Didn’t you tell me to train as if it were a real battle?”

His left hand, which had been half-split and dangling, was now perfectly fine, as if nothing had happened.

Furthermore, even his crushed and mangled right hand was restored.

With just a few movements of his mother’s hands, both hands—which wouldn’t have been strange if they had remained crippled—had returned to normal like a lie.

“Even so, to use such an extreme measure in a mock duel? You clearly did that because you trusted your mother’s abilities… but to ruin your own body just because you’re dissatisfied—”

“What… did you say?”

Cutting him off, Kariel interjected, biting his lip.

However, Lueld continued his opinion without a hint of agitation.

“Because you knew you could be healed at any time. You thought that if you showed it to Ermina, she would fix it without a second thought. That’s why you committed such a reckless act. You probably thought that showing her once would be far more effective than saying a hundred words to Ermina, who constantly nags you. Being the clever person you are, you must have calculated and acted accordingly. Am I wrong?”

“What nonsense…!”

No.

No, it wasn’t.

Yes… he might have had that feeling.

No, that must be it.

But did he do it because he thought rationally?

Not at all.

But if the result was like this, and if that’s how it was to be perceived, then so what?

In the end, it was right.

Just by seeing those distorted expressions and those faces collapsing in misery.

…It certainly had meaning.

“What a wretched idea. If something had gone wrong and Ermina had been shocked and an accident occurred…”

At that point, his father paused and let out a deep sigh.

“…Kariel. Never do that again.”

“…….”

“And explain the situation to your mother and Patina, and apologize to them.”

……?

Apologize?

“Why should I?”

“……What?”

As if he had heard something unthinkable.

Lueld’s golden eyes momentarily distorted with bewilderment.

“Did I do something wrong?”

“Are you actually saying that right now?”

“What excuse did Patina give?”

“…….”

Lueld groaned, suppressing his frustration as much as possible before answering.

“She said it was entirely her fault, that she had acted wretchedly, that she was ashamed, and she even said she would step down from her position as a knight.”

“Then that’s how it is.”

“……Kariel.”

She said that much?

For a moment, worry and concern for Patina welled up, but Kariel brushed them aside with a sigh.

So what.

Isn’t it just her own doing?

In the first place.

Why should I, the victim… be plagued by guilt?

Why must I always… worry and feel pity for the wounds of others?

I’m the victim.

I’m the one who suffered.

-That’s because you’re too soft. Being kind is a good thing, but a good heart is a very easy loophole to be exploited. I’m not saying you’re bad. The bastards who use that as a weakness are the ones who are cheap.

A sneering voice drifted in from one side.

The Demon King, sprawled across the sofa, muttered to herself as if reading Kariel’s inner thoughts, or perhaps scratching at them.

And.

No matter how much she talked.

That sound was merely a one-sided echo directed only at Kariel.

Lueld spoke with a sunken face.

“…It seems the heat in your head hasn’t cooled down yet. Let’s discuss this again after you’ve calmed down a bit.”

Lueld was about to leave the room.

“Stay in your room today. It’s too precarious to let you wander around in that state. I’m not telling you to do this to reflect on your actions, but I hope you’ll calm down and think about what went wrong and why it happened.”

“…….”

Even if you didn’t tell me, I had no intention of leaving.

Even though he didn’t respond, as if implicitly agreeing and confirming it.

Both Kariel and Lueld.

In the end, without any answer or response.

The door closed.

“Ha.”

A sense of relief and regret rushed in simultaneously.

He still couldn’t tell which emotion was dominant.

The confusion filling his head deepened, and the guilt that made his chest feel gloomy grew thicker, making even breathing difficult.

Why… must I suffer from guilt and remorse?

It would have been better if I had only felt relief.

No, I did feel it.

Though only for a very brief moment.

But now?

Why am I annoyed and uncomfortable, as if I’ve done something unforgivable?

-I told you, didn’t I? It’s because you’re too kind. Because you’re altruistic, you think about the harm you’ve caused before the harm you’ve suffered. It’s not a difficult concept, is it?

The Demon King continued to snort derisively.

Though she had the form of a pretty girl, it was as if a demon had possessed her face;

On her upturned, lounging visage, a truly wretched sneer was drawn.

From that form steeped in malice, a cold yet subtle emotion bloomed.

-O General. Honor is the second most precious treasure of the soul, regardless of gender.

Thus, those who try to steal from my wallet are like those stealing trash.

Even if they have it, it’s completely! Meaningless! Hahat!

Since she suddenly began rambling in such an exaggerated tone, Kariel, who had been focusing on deep breathing, asked back.

“What is that now?”

-Things that cannot be helped must be forgotten. What is past is clearly past.

The past is already gone and cannot be held, and the future has not yet arrived, so do not fear or be anxious. Therefore, all that remains for us is the banal present.

“…….”

-O Weak One! Your name is Kariel! Kuku!

The Demon King sprang up from the sofa.

-Put your emotions aside for now. If it’s truly too hard to handle, then close your eyes if you cannot forget.

“…….”

-The moon has set. From now on, is it not the time of the sun?

Having said that, the Demon King, as if she had said something amusing, chuckled and vanished, passing straight through the wall of the building.

“Sigh.”

That irresponsible human… no, that Demon King.

As if I could sleep in this state.

Even so.

What to do, what he wanted to do.

Nothing came to mind clearly.

Right now, he could only suffer.

Just like always.

Hoping that this moment would pass by like a mere instant.

====

Crossing through the walls.

The place the Demon King reached was where the two who had contributed to her death, and the woman who had fought Kariel in a half-frenzied state yesterday, were continuing a conversation with complex expressions.

To be precise, it was a situation where Lueld was asking Patina for the details to confirm the circumstances once more.

And Saintess Ermina.

With both hands clasped in front of her chest and eyes closed.

The sight of her continuously reciting prayers felt like that of a sinner seeking atonement and repentance.

And while Lueld, who could not bring himself to plead with her to stop, watched her with pity.

He continued to listen to Patina’s words.

The sight of the Hero comforting and caring for his wife and subordinate was quite pitiful.

‘Still the same, I see.’

He does not collapse.

He does not break.

Even if he is defeated, far from dying, he doesn’t even break.

There were many Heroes besides Lueld, and many were called heroes.

But the only one the Golden Demon King felt, as an adversary, was truly hopeless was him.

In all the world, it was only him.

‘That… damn will that bends easily but never breaks.’

The Nine Heroes, huh.

There were more of them in the past, but those who were eventually called the Nine Heroes were in a psychological state where it wouldn’t have been strange for them to collapse at any moment, having been pushed to their limits over time.

Yet, for some reason, instead of self-destructing, they only grew more steadfast.

‘However.’

The aftermath still remains, it seems.

Saintess Ermina.

She was innocent and pure, but a puppet who had no subjectivity of her own in the beginning, having had obsessions implanted by the Religious Order.

The girl, who grew desperate over time because she could not properly fulfill her role as a savior.

…Even after becoming a mother, she was still steeped in a victim mentality, anxiety, and obsession.

Strictly speaking, it would be correct to view it as Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder.

“Lord Confucius told me not to expect anything from him! But even if he was extreme, he ended up making things difficult for me in the end! I saw that! How can he tell me not to have expectations…!”

“Patina. So, what is it you want to say?”

“Regardless of whatever circumstances led him to hide his skills and intentionally act like a failure! Lord Confucius is making efforts in his own way.”

“Patina. Please calm down and get to the point.”

Then, a sunken monologue was heard from one side.

“Is it my sin? If only I had saved more people… is it because I was inadequate that the child became so twisted? I am the one who should atone, so why did You make that child so twisted? Father in Heaven, I truly do not know. If it is my fault, I would rather You kill me and take me…!”

“…Ermina.”

“M-Madam! Please do not think such things! If you do that, what becomes of Lord Lueld and me, who were saved by you? Please… such sad words…”

The Demon King scoffed.

What a complete mess.

Despite the pleas of the two, Ermina’s eyes remained vacant, as if dead.

“Isn’t it… strange? My child was certainly not… this twisted and skewed when he was young, Lueld. Patina. They said he was a blessing to the world. Also, how much effort did we put in to ensure he grew up straight? Even when he volunteered as a hostage for the sake of Princess Highness and the country, traveling between nations… even there, that child… that child…!”

“…….”

Lueld remained silent.

A very appropriate response.

The right answer here is to keep one’s mouth shut and listen quietly.

“Was that incident five years ago, after all, the problem?”

Because of that point, which suddenly popped out.

Patina’s observation.

“That is…”

Lueld’s expression distorted.

Ermina also opened her mouth to say something, but nothing flowed out.

‘Five years ago, huh.’

A story the Demon King didn’t know.

But she could roughly guess.

Based on the hints Kariel had dropped little by little.

By synthesizing other hints seen around him, a rough deduction was possible.

However.

This was somewhat detached from the expectations regarding Kariel, or the underestimation and overestimation of him.

Also.

She hadn’t grasped this clearly either.

If it’s not clear, it’s not truly known.

‘Guessing roughly in the realm of clumsy hypotheses is not the duty of a wise scholar.’

Even if that hypothesis guaranteed 99% accuracy.

The absence of 1% is immediate inaccuracy.

Since even a 0.1% deficiency means complete imperfection.

“We have constantly seen examples of second generations being incompetent and foolish, ruining the family fortune, selling out the country, and dismantling the great achievements and reputation of their ancestors… Lueld.”

“…….”

Lueld merely nodded slowly at Ermina’s words.

“In times of chaos, while the world fell into misery, those villains and scoundrels focused on indulging in their own pleasures, using it as an opportunity. Like those who neither protected the weak, nor cared for the will and great cause of their ancestors, and even despised, betrayed, and ignored the will of God… I could not let our Kariel grow up like that. Never….”

‘Hmm.’

Since she had invaded the Middle Realm, countless people had blatantly betrayed their own nations and races.

Naturally, if the tide had turned, it was normal to bow and kneel rather than die a dog’s death.

Compared to other Demon Kings, she had treated her enemies relatively gentlemanly.

Because she thoroughly respected those who surrendered.

Conversely, if they neither surrendered nor accepted defeat.

…She burned everything down, leaving not a single blade of grass, and carried out a massacre.

After all, isn’t that what war is?

Moreover.

The Demon Race had sufficient justification, reason, and pretext to hate the creatures walking the Middle Realm.

Even if she controlled them, it wasn’t something that could be fully controlled.

‘Well, that’s my situation, so it doesn’t matter now.’

“Lord Confucius is just wandering for a while. Because his wounds haven’t all been washed away yet…”

“Patina.”

Just by looking at that gaze and complexion, which were filled with fervor yet precariously shaking, it was clear that she was not normal.

Had the young woman also suffered a psychological shock as great as Ermina’s?

“’Why are you disappointing yourself arbitrarily,’ he said, didn’t he?”

Within that.

Lueld momentarily set aside the opinions and thoughts of the two.

He focused thoroughly on the words Kariel had spoken.

“I can’t say I didn’t put pressure on him, but was it more severe than that?”

“Lueld?”

“…Commander?”

“Perhaps.”

Looking somewhat exhausted, but quickly brushing away his anxious expression.

“I should have paid a bit more attention to that child.”

He spoke thus.

Then Ermina, with shaking eyes, asked back as if wondering if there was something she had missed.

“Attention… you mean? Even now… we are giving it… excessively… aren’t we?”

Oh?

At this, the Demon King let out a sound that was neither a sigh nor a scoff.

Lueld had unexpectedly reached the correct answer.

However, whether that answer would lead to a fatal mistake that connects to a wrong answer.

Or whether he would truly reach a simple and clear solution.

The Demon King began to be a little curious about that point.

Even so.

‘The water hasn’t just been spilled; it’s completely dried up… how do you intend to turn this back?’

Also.

That Saintess, who still failed to grasp the situation and was under the illusion that she had been acting for the best.

Was it because she was psychologically unstable and anxious due to her pregnancy?

But looking at Kariel’s state, that didn’t seem to be it.

Being strict and giving affection.

Paying attention, but what the nature of that attention is.

She seemed, surprisingly, not to know such things.

No, to be precise.

‘Because it’s her own child.’

The Golden Demon King knew better than anyone how the Saintess treated outsiders.

In fact, she had once used that to drive a dagger into her heart.

Using the unfortunate.

Using the pitiful.

To plant feelings of betrayal, sin, guilt, anxiety, and hatred in her depths.

She had fed her a balanced diet of bitterness.

And yet, that woman never disappointed, hated, or resented.

A woman who embraced all of that.

So isn’t it even more ridiculous?

Why is she not like that with her own child?

‘Did she think that by being strict, she could guide him so he wouldn’t go astray… is that how she viewed it?’

It’s not a wrong idea.

But it’s not necessarily the right one either.

Furthermore.

If they were lacking in those areas, what if they had kept a wet nurse or someone else by their side to provide advice or support?

‘Pathetic.’

It was truly, truly a trivial problem.

Compared to facing her, it was nothing more than a minor thing.

Why is it that those whose minds worked so well back then become so naive when placed in the environment of a family?

‘Well… that’s how it is. I’m just a bystander, so it doesn’t matter to me.’

Whether he reaches the correct answer or not.

Whether they reach the wrong answer and end up ruined, broken, and everything they painstakingly achieved collapses like a handful of sand.

As for me, the Demon King! I couldn’t care less!

Not a bit!