Chapter 59: That Can't Be Reality

“I never said you had to be perfect! But at the very least! Just enough so that others wouldn’t have anything to say! I told you so many times to mind your behavior!”

She hadn’t intended to say it like this.

But at some point, whenever she looked at Kariel’s face, these words began to pour out.

Even as she spoke, she knew she shouldn’t be doing this.

Yet, out of some inexplicable regret and pity, the words she spoke intending to be helpful…

For some reason, they all came out sounding like irritation.

Even immediately after speaking, she knew this was wrong.

…But she feared that if she were too lenient here, the child would grow crooked.

Once she had decided not to raise him by simply indulging him.

…She, Ermina, had to swallow her own bitter heart.

I don’t want to say these things either, my child.

But… I have to raise you properly, don’t I?

Even I… am not at peace.

Why can’t you understand that?

When he was capable of doing it all if he just tried.

Why wouldn’t he listen?

Why did he let every word slide, ignore it, and try only to turn away?

“Stop it.”

“What?”

But today was different.

Though his gaze remained cast down, he looked different from the way he used to just blindly endure.

The low tone of his voice, the voice simmering as if with suppressed indignation.

The distorted eyes and gaze reflected as he lifted his head.

Faced with that hostile attitude, Ermina momentarily lost her words and asked again.

“What… did you say? To me, just now…”

“I said, enough is enough! How long am I supposed to listen to that kind of nagging? I’m trying hard enough! I’m doing my absolute best! Have you ever once tried to actually understand me? Whenever a problem breaks out, it’s my fault! No one else ever does anything wrong! Am I the only one who’s flawed?!”

“You, you’re currently…”

“Do you have any idea what it’s like to be the child of a Hero?! No matter what I do, I’m compared to you people! Whatever I do, they slander me, laugh at me, and tear me down, saying I’m inferior to you! And then I come home only to hear your nagging! To be the outlet for your frustrations! My father is out taking care of everyone else! And when he finally comes home, all he says is ‘do better yourself!’ That it all depends on my mindset! That it’s because my spirit is weak! To put in effort! Effort! That effort! Do you think I haven’t done it?!”

“Ka… Kal? You… why… suddenly…”

“How long am I supposed to endure this? Even tools get a minimum amount of maintenance, don’t they? Am I worth less than the trees and plants scattered in the garden? Why! Was it that hard to give me a single compliment? Was it so exhausting? Outside, you act like a Saintess, showing all sorts of benevolence! You volunteer for hardships and act so generous to others! So why is it that the moment you come home, you’re so desperate to kill me! So desperate to treat me like trash! Go on, give me an answer! Mother!”

After that, Kariel continued to lash out for a long time, pouring out his accumulated grievances as if exploding.

As if he weren’t considering or thinking about the consequences at all.

“If that’s the case, I’ll just leave the house! If I have to, I’ll even change my name!”

“You, you! How could you—how could you do this to me—!”

“Shut up!”

Shocked by the verbal abuse, Ermina was unable to speak for a while.

Around then.

Perhaps because the heightened emotions had subsided to some extent.

Kariel took a deep breath.

And toward Ermina, who was speechless, her mouth merely gaping open.

He delivered the final sentence.

“Thank you for everything, Lady Ermina. As of today, I am leaving the House of Brandiar, and I will change my city and my name. Fortunately, I have the title of Baron of Luthia from my past achievements, so I will manage well enough on my own with that.”

Therefore.

“Let’s live our lives without ever seeing each other’s faces again. It seems you’ve suffered a great deal of emotional exhaustion because of me; I will relieve you of that worry.”

Having said that, without even a basic courtesy, Kariel turned his back to leave the living room.

Ermina grabbed him.

“…What are you doing?”

“Why… why are you saying such things. I only… wanted you to become a person who wouldn’t be ashamed before anyone. I just…”

“Are you still trying to make excuses?”

Ermina squeezed her eyes shut.

Before she knew it, moisture began to leak from her eyes, which had turned dark.

“You’re right. Everything you said… is right. I’m sorry. It’s all my fault. Because if we showed a weakness, it would harm you. And just as they would tear us down if you showed a weakness, they would have tried to slander you. I didn’t want you to become their prey. But… the words I spoke out of that worry… before I knew it, they became criticism and condemnation. The nagging I did for your sake… that wasn’t my intention…”

“……”

Kariel merely looked at Ermina with cold eyes.

“I’m sorry. I won’t do this to you again. I was wrong about everything. So, please… don’t say you’re not my son… don’t say you’re leaving the house. Please don’t say such sad things… I’ll praise you now. I’ll encourage you, and if others say something, I’ll stand by your side more than anyone and protect you, protect you…”

So please, please…

“Don’t leave me. Only the words about leaving us… please, don’t say those.”

“……”

Despite that.

Though he seemed to waver slightly, Kariel soon shook off her hand.

“Kal?!”

“…Time will tell if that’s truly the case. My departure from here is already a decided matter. I will leave the capital so as not to be a nuisance, so please handle the rumors yourself.”

“Kal! Do you truly—?!”

“When I asked you to trust me before, did you people trust me?”

I.

“Because of you, I had to shoulder sins I didn’t commit, and I had to bow my head for sins I didn’t even do. And when they pushed me, when it was finally revealed that it was all a misunderstanding and a malicious frame-up, what did you say?”

“……”

“That since everyone apologized, I should accept it magnanimously? When did they apologize? Just seeing their faces formally once at the banquet and brushing it under the rug—you call that a sincere apology? That was for you people, not for me, wasn’t it? You just brushed it off because you were conscious of them and didn’t want to give them an unnecessary excuse, right?”

“Kal…”

“It was ruined from then, but because I was so pathetic, I’ve only now found the resolve.”

From now on.

“Stop calling me Kal. I will be changing my name, so please call me by my proper name then. If the news hasn’t reached you, please call me Baron of Luthia.”

“Kal! Listen to your mother properly!”

“You’re the one who needs to listen to me properly! I said Baron of Luthia! How many times do I have to fucking say it!”

Kariel screamed.

After that, he breathed heavily for a while as if suppressing his emotions.

And finally, he left the place.

“……”

Collapsing on the spot, she sat there for a long time, unable to think of anything.

…….

……….

In a secluded cabin in the remote mountains, far from any city or village.

After searching, Ermina was finally able to find Kariel again.

Despite the cold reception, she continued to show her face at the cabin where Kariel stayed.

“Are you… eating?”

The door did not open.

“I, I thought I might help you clean.”

Again, the door did not open.

“I, I brought some food and a few things because the house looked empty.”

Likewise, the door did not open.

She placed the supplies she had brought in front of the door and earnestly urged him to take them even after she left.

But the next day, they remained exactly where they were.

She prayed constantly and thought constantly.

Lueld offered to accompany her, but Ermina firmly refused.

In the end, this was her own sin.

It was the price for the sins she had accumulated.

Even if she hadn’t wanted such a result, such a fruit had eventually bloomed.

Therefore, this was a price that only she had to bear.

How much time had passed?

A week, then two.

“I was sorry. That a mother… didn’t understand her only child this much. I am truly… so sorry. Really, I am so sorry…”

The door opened.

“……”

A figure more haggard than before.

Both to Kariel and to Ermina.

The state of the two was so severe that they looked completely different from how they used to be.

“……Come in.”

Was that single word of permission so difficult?

Looking down at her as she sat collapsed as if kneeling, yet unable to reach out her hand.

Looking at Kariel, who watched her with trembling eyes.

“……”

Ermina thanked God in her heart, and simultaneously expressed repeated gratitude to Kariel for granting this permission.

But she couldn’t bring herself to say anything out loud.

Thus, all that flowed out were tears.

The interior was cramped, but it was a space sufficient for a person to live.

Something that was embarrassing to even call tea was served, but she held the wooden cup with difficulty, as if even that warmth was overwhelming.

“I will never treat you carelessly again. I won’t nag, and I won’t criticize or slander…”

“Those are words that would be very easy for someone to misunderstand if they heard them.”

“I, I’m sorry.”

“Did I tell you not to blindly point out what was wrong? I never said a single word telling you not to rebuke my mistakes. Do you still not know what is wrong?”

“N-no! I understand. I’ve been thinking about it constantly! I just… the words… I can’t… think of what to say…”

“Someone who speaks so skillfully, why have you become like this?”

Kariel’s expression was truly one of complexity.

“I’m sorry… I will respect you from now on. Yes, this was the most… necessary thing.”

“……”

It’s not about not pointing out mistakes or failures.

Nagging? That can happen.

Asking for what he wanted? Had Kariel ever once acted like a spoiled child in that way?

“I am a human being too. Even plants wither if you don’t water them or give them sunlight… how long did you think I could hold out?”

“……I’m sorry.”

“……”

The two remained like that in silence for a while.

It was a long, long time, but even so, Ermina felt this moment was truly precious.

…….

………….

He had been absent from the Academy without permission for a full six months.

Naturally, far from graduating, Kariel was in a position where he would have to repeat a school year.

Consequently, his class rank had dropped further than before.

“…I’m sorry.”

“No. It must have been hard to adjust… I know you’re trying your best.”

Ermina’s attitude had changed beyond recognition compared to before.

“I noticed you’ve been staying up all night studying lately. You’re eating very little too. You’re in a growing period; you shouldn’t do that, right?”

“……”

“Tell me if it’s too hard. And, if you really aren’t satisfied, you don’t even have to attend the Academy.”

Kariel looked up at Ermina intently.

And then.

As if he had finally been able to set down the heavy burden he had been carrying.

With a much more relaxed face, he spoke.

“Thank you.”

“No. It’s something I should have done all along.”

Placing a hand on his shoulder, Ermina smiled calmly.

Yes.

It should have been like this from the start.

…It should have been.

Tears flowed.

====

“Woman. Did you have a very good dream?”

“……”

When she opened her eyes, a space far too familiar to Ermina came into view.

And, sitting on a chair brought close to the bed as if looking down at her.

A youthful Elf with long silver hair.

Those two eyes, holding the color of greenery, bore a complex light.

“Lady… Geornia.”

“It was really hard to see your husband’s face. Since you’re in the postpartum recovery period right after giving birth… I thought I’d visit after you’ve stabilized as much as possible.”

Because I was inwardly quite angry.

She asked with a bitter smile.

“So, what dream did you have?”

“……”

Ermina couldn’t say anything.

Because the moment she tried to recall it.

Tears just poured out endlessly.

She couldn’t remember exactly.

But surely, in the end, she was standing shoulder to shoulder with that child…….

She didn’t know yet.

Because everyone had remained silent out of concern for her.

So, to what extent the situation had become entangled. How broken it had become.

Ermina didn’t know yet.

Nevertheless, she had a premonition.

Perhaps.

The sight she saw in the dream.

Was a dream-like sight that was no longer permitted to her.

She might have realized it subconsciously.

Perhaps that was why.

The tears continued to flow without ceasing.