The dew of a sleepless dawn clung to my ears, refusing to fall. I savored the sensation of cold reason, fumbling across my chest in search of whatever warmth remained in my heart. But what seeped between my palms was not the remnants of emotion—only the scars left upon my body.

I pulled the blanket closer for no reason, as if sleeping with such things held against me would only invite nightmares. Yet the chill carved into me refused to fade. Only then did I realize the source of the cold lay in the empty space beside me.

Ridiculous. I had always fallen asleep alone, and yet feeling loneliness only now was a contradiction in itself. If Saya had never come to me, I would still be alone.

That was likely true. If I had never met her, I might have slept like the dead until the end came. In that sense, Saya was the one who returned life to me.

But I still do not clearly know the reason I must keep living. All this time—rolling through the dirt, tearing apart, killing, taking wounds—I never once thought about why. 

I simply assumed it was the best option. That was all.

That was how I had always thought, but now that the moment of choice had arrived, I found myself asking the question. Could I truly have a reason to live when I couldn’t even answer who was precious to me? Did this man called Lope have any justification for continuing to exist?

…

Come to think of it, Saya had said something similar earlier. That perhaps I was the only one left for her now. At the time, I had taken it for mere soliloquy, but in truth, it was a question.

What I thought of Saya, then.

What I thought that made me accept her without any resistance. Why I cast distrust upon everyone else yet could not bring myself to treat her carelessly. And why, even back in our Academy days, I had been so attentive to her.

She hadn’t spoken the words aloud, but she had asked. And then she had departed for the crashing waves, to contemplate her own heart.

Perhaps Saya was thinking the exact same thing right now.

“Haa…”

In the end, it was not love but absence that made someone come to mind. The void I hadn’t felt during Lena’s absence now made itself known. Even knowing it was merely a brief span of time, I felt it. It was late, but I had finally come to realize that you had been a truly special presence to me. 

That simultaneously answered my earlier question. Why, during our Academy days, I had kept trying to help you.

At the time, I had thought it was mere sympathy, but that was never the case. You were simply special to me. The only one at the Academy who shared my circumstances. The one who endured all that torment without a single retaliation, accepting it in silence.

Your purity, wanting to help others even in circumstances like these—that was what made you special to me.

“…”

And by contrast, I was truly a pathetic human being.

Did I even have the right to consider you special?

As I was lost in such thoughts, someone’s hand brushed across the back of mine.

“Ugh…”

A sigh drifted through the darkness. Truth be told, I had noticed for a while now. After all, I was the one who had deliberately spoken of Saya’s absence, sending her a covert invitation. I had simply wanted to observe her actions.

The hand that had been wandering across the back of mine settled onto the sheet with a quiet sigh. It seemed the same hesitation that lived within me was circling inside her as well. There was no longer any point in watching.

“Lena. I’m awake.”

“Ah…I figured…as much.”

At my words, Lena offered a reply as if she had expected it all along, but her fluster was unmistakable. Understandable—it was quite late at night. Even so, she quietly settled herself on the edge of the bed.

“I’m sorry. Coming in without permission. But I just couldn’t hold back. You know…”

“Why. Did your body grow feverish?”

“…Don’t say it so directly. It’s embarrassing.”

In the darkness, she smiled faintly. And then she drew a little closer to me.

“I came on too strong during the day, didn’t I? I know. You seemed really flustered. That’s why…I said things I didn’t mean. Right?”

“…”

“Or…is it because of that girl named Saya? She really is beautiful. I can understand why she captured your heart. I…I would have done the same. If I were you, I probably would have fallen for her instead of me too.”

“Maybe.”

“But Lope. That doesn’t mean there’s only one empty seat in your heart. Right? Even with her there, you could still make room for one more…”

Lena trailed off mid-sentence and fell silent. Then, in a trembling voice, she uttered a single phrase.

“…I want to die.”

“…”

“I just want to die.”

“Lena.”

“Why do I have to beg like this? I’m…I’m giving you what you’ve wanted your whole life. If I had just come a little sooner than her, this place would have been mine. But because I was just a little late, I have to be treated like this?”

“…”

“No. I was always first to you. Can that really change so easily? Besides, this is a matter of life and death. Please, Lope. Kill me now rather than abandon me. Dying is better than living like this. So…!”

“Fine.”

I cut her off mid-sentence and rose to my feet. Then, without the slightest emotional disturbance, I uttered a single line.

“Then shall we just die together?”

“Lope…where are we going?”

“…”

“Lope. Answer me. Please?”

An anxious voice pressed for an answer. But I simply walked. Lena watched me with uneasy eyes, yet in the end had no choice but to follow.

I raised my head and the dawn lifted the hem of night’s skirt, revealing its crimson underbelly. From that scene of transgression, landscapes thick with déjà vu passed before me in succession. The forest path I had once walked with Lena. The rock where we had leaned together and talked. The hollow of pine needles where I had mistaken the trembling in my chest for something more.

I breathed in the fragrance of memory until my lungs were full, and fallen stars pricked at my chest. A sensation like having stuffed my mouth with peppermint candies after brushing my teeth—slowly, I came to a stop. 

“Ah…”

“…”

Thus tracing back through time, and back through memory, we arrived at a sheer cliff along the coast. I wondered if Saya might be somewhere nearby, but if she were, she would have found me first. It was certain—only Lena and I were at this place.

Lena seemed to realize this too, glancing around repeatedly. Then she cautiously gripped the edge of my coat.

“Lope…”

“…”

“Why did you come here?”

“I wonder. Why indeed.”

“The reason…that’s for you to know…n…no. You can tell me later.”

She started to ask me for the reason, then hastily let her words trail off. After hesitating for a long while, she brought up a different subject.

“The…the ocean is beautiful. Isn’t it? We’ve been living on the island all this time, but never thought to come to the beach. I think this is the first time we’ve come here, just the two of us.”

“Is that so. I feel like we might have come once before.”

“Really? I don’t remember…oh, right. We did come once. Was it…Arendis memorial day?”

“Just joking. We’ve never been here before.”

The tasteless joke shook Lena’s heart. She was visibly flustered but tried hard to nod.

“Ah…right. There are so many things we never did together, more than I thought. We never even came to the beach. It’s really surprising, isn’t it?”

“There are probably many other things we haven’t done besides that.”

“You’re right. So many. Even though we spent so much time together.”

“I wonder why. I thought you, of all people, would know the reason.”

“We were both…busy. You know? Right?”

This time it was Lena who offered a joke. Or perhaps it wasn’t a joke at all. Either way, she smiled awkwardly, and when my expression didn’t change, she turned her head away. And once again, she brought up another topic.

“I wonder what Roselia is doing right now. We need her, after all. She was like that during our Academy days too—a real headache.”

“You’re right. Lena.”

“She’s probably hiding some sinister scheme again…but if you and I go together, just the two of us, she might not. It’s not that Roselia told me to say this. I just…”

“…”

“Sorry. That was stupid. I know. Let’s talk about something else. Things we couldn’t talk about before, or things that might help us going forward. Right?”

Anyone could see she was trying to humor me. She had no choice. The will to survive is an instinct shared even by the lowliest creatures that crawl upon the earth. You couldn’t blame someone for thrashing in its grip.

But what I was curious about was something else entirely. No matter how much I thought about it, I couldn’t understand that part. Especially since it was tangled up with my own situation.

“For instance, how about something like this. What we could do if we survive. Or stories about that blind girl. She really is energetic. Almost like…”

“Lena. Do you still want me to be your lover?”

“Huh? That…I already told you. I thought I’d shown you everything, right down to my core. Didn’t I?”

“Tell me again anyway. Do you really want me to?”

“Yes. I mean it, Lope. Without a single ounce of falsehood.”

I raised my head and looked at Lena’s face. Whenever she lied, she would always twist her lips or fidget with the hem of her clothes. But none of those signs were visible. She truly meant it.

And so I clenched my fists. My heart felt tangled in a complicated knot.

“…How can you do that?”

“Because I mean it. I really realized it, Lope. You’re the only one I…”

“That’s not what I mean. How can you? How can you ask the person saving your life to also become the meaning of your life? Is that…possible?”

“Are you trying to say I’m shameless?”

“I’m simply asking.”

“No. That’s exactly what you’re trying to say, Lope. I really just…!”

For a brief moment, Lena’s tone turned passionate. The emotions she couldn’t bring herself to unleash before me must have been surging like waves. 

But she soon composed herself. Then, clutching her chest, she stood directly before me.

“I’m just acting on how my heart moves me. That’s all. Of course, this feeling might weigh heavily on you. You might even think it’s shameless. But people deserve a second chance. Don’t they?”

“Following your heart, you say.”

“Yes. And it’s not such a bad thing. The world is going to end soon anyway. In a world like this, the survivors owe it to each other to give their hearts.”

“Is that how it is.”

“Yes. Lope.”

A hand reached out suddenly and grasped mine. Then it clung to my chin like tears that could not fall.

“When death is near, you have to gather every precious bond and hold them tight in your heart. Neither of us has many such bonds, but shouldn’t we hold on to all of them?”

“All of them…”

“Please, Lope. Don’t overthink it. Let’s go together to the end. Just like always. Okay?”

“…”

Is that so.

Could I really stop overthinking and just act on where my heart leads?

A single remark from Lena couldn’t provide a clear answer. But it was enough to offer a new perspective. Perhaps I didn’t need to twist everything into knots the way I always did—perhaps it was fine to look at things simply. 

I just want to protect Saya’s purity.

That level of thinking might just be enough.

“…Is that how it is.”

Waves rolled in from afar. The hand I held was impossibly cold. But I didn’t push it away—I gripped it firmly in return.

“Maybe so. You have a point, Lena.”

“Really? If that helped…I’m glad.”

“Then let’s get to what needs to be done.”

“Huh? What needs to be done…”

Lena’s lips breathed out a question. But she already knew the answer. Even so, I offered it in a calm voice.

“You said it yourself. Let’s die together.”

“No…that was…”

“I thought it might not be so bad. And you said anything would be fine as long as you were with me. So let’s die together, Lena.”

“Lope. What’s gotten into you…Lope!!!”

In that moment, I grabbed Lena’s hand and shoved her sideways. She nearly fell, but because she hadn’t let go of my hand, she managed to stand on her toes at the very edge of the cliff, barely holding on. 

But if I released my hand, she would certainly fall. Lena clung to my hand as if it were her lifeline, gasping for breath.

“Wh…what are you doing. Huh? Don’t joke around…”

“This isn’t a joke. I’m doing exactly what you said.”

“I…I was joking. No, not joking but…at least I wasn’t serious, Lope. It was just something that burst out because I was so frustrated.”

“No. You were serious. Even I know that much.”

“That’s…Kyaa! Lope!”

When I slightly extended my hand, Lena recoiled and screamed. The stones that had plunged from beneath her feet shattered against the coastal rocks below. She instinctively looked down at the sight and trembled all over.

“Ah…ah…”

“Truth is, it should have been this way from the start. That night you came to find me. I hesitated because I thought I shouldn’t do this.”

“D…don’t do this. Please.”

“But as you said, this might be for the best. If I don’t give you the Mark, you’ll torment me to the very end. Maybe even people who have nothing to do with me. Rather than let that happen, it seems better to grant you peace now.”

I nodded with conviction. Lena inhaled sharply, as if receiving a death sentence. Matching that breath, I stepped toward the cliff’s edge, and her weight shifted downward. If I simply let go, everything would end.

I should have let go long ago. A bond once severed always brings pain when it reconnects. If it can’t be renewed, you shouldn’t even offer hope. That would be far too cruel to Lena.

In a way, it was a kind of euthanasia. This was the only mercy I could grant her. But Lena couldn’t understand and shook her head.

“No, Lope…don’t…don’t think strange things. Please. Okay?”

“These aren’t strange thoughts. This is right, Lena.”

“That’s…!”

“For both of us. This is for the best.”

With those words, I released my grip finger by finger. Lena recoiled in horror and reached out to grab my arm. Of course, what she was trying to grasp was a rotten rope—I needed only to shake it off.

Yes. I should shake it off.

But…

…

The truth was, I could never be that cold-blooded.

I had realized this long ago. The reason I slashed wrists instead of throats when facing nameless men, the reason I couldn’t silence Roselia immediately that day, the reason I could never bring myself to push Lena away—all of it was because I wasn’t cold enough.

“Lope, please!”

“…!”

“Ugh!”

And so, instead of letting her fall, I grabbed hold of her again and hauled her up over the cliff’s edge. Thrown forward by the momentum, Lena stood on the rocks for a while, catching her breath.

“Haa…haa…haa…”

“…”

“Ah…ah…ugh…”

“I’m sorry, Lena. For not being able to let you go.”

I apologized with all my heart. Not to her, but to the years gone by. To what little memory remained. Having finished my brief eulogy, I approached Lena and bowed my head.

“So instead, I’ll break your heart.”

“What…?”

“…”

I didn’t answer. Instead, I cast my gaze to the far reaches of the sky. And then the landscape Saya had been sensing for so long finally began to enter my vision as well.

A pure white horizon. And above it, the rising sun. In that desolate landscape where not a single seagull flew, traces of soot began to emerge. At first, not knowing what it meant, I could only furrow my brow. But as time passed, its identity became clear.

Blue smoke was rising from beyond the horizon.

I paid my respects to the token of a promise that had finally arrived. Of course, I didn’t know whose promise it would answer. That was something I would need to confirm from here on.

At last, I truly felt the weight on my shoulders grow heavier. I felt that weight in full as I slid my hand to the sword at my waist. The sensation of gripping the blade after so long extended its tongue and coiled around my wrist.