Chapter 115

As soon as we returned to Guardian, Yulia and Kaiel left for the Magic Tower.

To research how to adjust the range of the pocket barrier, was it?

Not even a day had passed since they’d finished the prototype, and they were already back to research.

I would have been sick of it, but the two of them looked nothing but thrilled. Their eyes were sparkling as they left.

I stopped Johan, who was trying to slip out quietly.

“Johan, have a seat.”

“…Is there something you wanted to talk to me about?”

“You’re the one with something to say, aren’t you? Go on.”

All the way back to Guardian, Johan had been as restless as a puppy separated from its owner.

He kept glancing at me with a look that screamed he had something to say. I’d have to be a fool not to notice.

Johan gave an awkward laugh and rubbed the back of his neck.

“Actually, there’s… something bothering me.”

“What is it?”

“I was wondering why you didn’t warn His Highness the First Prince about the gate’s rank… Did you, perhaps, forget?”

As if. Of course I didn’t tell him on purpose.

“The gate ranking system is our own standard. Even if we measure it as an S-rank, Bluebird might see it differently.”

“Ah…”

Johan’s expression darkened further.

“So you intentionally didn’t warn them.”

“That’s right. Telling them the rank wouldn’t have helped.”

“Why do you think that? They would have been more careful.”

“No.”

I shook my head firmly.

“They wouldn’t have believed our warning. If anything, they’d have mistaken it for fear and acted even more recklessly. Something like, ‘Let’s see Bluebird conquer the gate Guardian ranked as S-rank in record time.’”

“I have a bad feeling about this. I think I should go and help them.”

I had a feeling he might say that. His expression had been grim the entire time.

How could a cleric turn his back on people in danger? He’d want to save everyone, regardless of whether they were friend or foe.

‘And in doing so, he’d become a hero and save the world in an instant.’

Without ever dreaming of the pain that awaited him in a world where the apocalypse was over…

‘Just like me.’

Honestly, Johan helping Bluebird wouldn’t affect the quest.

But could I rest easy if I sent him alone?

‘Not a chance.’

I’d likely worry about him the whole time and end up rushing over myself.

“I know what you’re worried about, but Bluebird is a Hunter guild too. There’s no way they can’t handle a single S-rank gate.”

“Still, even one more person would be a help.”

Seeing Johan about to stand up in a hurry, I crossed my legs.

“Sit down.”

“Pardon?”

“Are you not a member of Guardian, Johan?”

“…I am.”

“And I am the head of Guardian. Correct?”

“…That’s right?”

“As Guild Master, I’m giving you an order. Do not interfere with their raid. If you disobey, I’ll consider it a withdrawal from the guild.”

“Astell…”

Johan sank back into his seat, looking shocked.

He must have thought of me as some incarnation of a saint. He must be disappointed to hear me speak so coldly.

But it couldn’t be helped. I had to succeed in the quest.

A part of me even hoped they’d get a harsh lesson. Of course, there would be sacrifices, but what did that have to do with me?

“If they fail to clear the gate, you going there won’t change the outcome. Likewise, if they succeed, they’ll succeed even without you.”

“Is… that so?”

“Johan, have faith in them. They’re capable Hunters, too.”

It wasn’t a lie. It would be ridiculous if over twenty Hunters couldn’t clear a single S-rank gate.

Johan’s complexion brightened slightly.

A kind and lovely paladin. Incomparable to a villain like me.

“Uh…”

Suddenly, Johan’s expression turned awkward. It was because I was stroking his head.

‘I-I just thought he was being admirable, that’s all!’

I swear I did it without realizing. I froze, my hand still outstretched.

Then, Johan took my wrist and slowly lowered my hand.

“Astell… I think you see me as a younger brother.”

Ouch.

“I-I do?”

“Yes, you definitely do. And often, recently.”

I was aware of it myself—the fact that I was treating Johan like Shinwoo.

I knew I shouldn’t. I knew that no matter how similar they were, Johan could never be Shinwoo.

‘But what can I do when my heart keeps leaning his way?’

The more Memory Fragments I collect, the harder it becomes to distinguish between Shinwoo and Johan. What am I supposed to do?

I try to hold back, but my old actions toward Shinwoo just keep popping out. It’s driving me crazy…

Hiding my frustration, I gave an exaggerated wink.

“You caught me. It’s my wish to have a younger brother just like you.”

“…”

Johan’s face hardened instantly. Hey, there’s no need to look so serious, is there?

“Wow, you must really hate the idea. I’m sorry. It’s just a thought I had, so don’t worry about it.”

“It’s not that.”

“Then what is it?”

“I… I…”

Johan stopped mid-sentence and chewed on his full lips.

‘Is it something hard to say?’

While waiting for him to speak, I examined the corner of his split lip.

I had my reasons for refusing treatment, but why hadn’t Johan healed himself?

“Can’t you heal yourself?”

“Huh? Where…? Ah, here…”

Johan sheepishly touched the corner of his mouth.

“I can, but… it feels like a bit of a waste.”

“How is healing yourself a waste? You have to be healthy to heal others properly.”

“Something like this will heal on its own.”

Johan fiddled with the corner of his mouth and gave a faint smile. As he did, Shinwoo’s face habitually overlapped with his.

“…You’re looking.”

Johan’s voice suddenly cut through.

Lost in the fragments of the past, I snapped back to my senses.

“What? What did you say?”

Johan’s smile had vanished.

“You’re looking like that again. Your eyes are on me, but it’s like you’re seeing someone else… Do you know how that makes me feel?”

“I don’t—”

Before I could finish, Johan cupped my cheeks with both hands. My face was completely hidden in his large palms.

“Look at me, Astell.”

“…”

“Please, just look at me.”

“…”

“It makes me want to beg like this.”

My heart began to pound abnormally, and a sudden fear seized me. It reminded me of the day Shinwoo left me.

If he wasn’t holding me, I might have already run away.

I ignored the thunderous beating of my heart and playfully patted his hands.

“Oh dear, were you upset that I was spacing out while looking at you? I won’t do it again. Don’t be mad, okay?”

“Stop it.”

Johan grabbed my hand tightly. The grip was strong enough to be painful.

“I am not your brother. I’ve never once thought of you as an older sister, and I don’t want that kind of relationship.”

“…”

I tried to smile.

I wanted to laugh it off casually. But no matter how hard I tried, the corners of my mouth wouldn’t move.

Johan gently brushed his fingertips across my frozen lips.

Then, he reverently pressed a kiss to his own finger.

“This is what I want.”

“…”

“I want to be your lover.”

For a moment, Johan’s voice faded, and Shinwoo’s voice echoed in its place.

“Sis, want me to tell you a secret?”

“I’ve never once thought of you as my actual sister. Not since the first moment I saw you.”

Shinwoo probably thought I didn’t know, but I did. I knew that he liked me.

When we were young, I thought it was just because he was going through puberty.

When he was a bit older, I thought it was because his social circle was small.

Later, I thought he was confusing familial love with romantic affection.

At the time, I thought pretending not to know was the right thing to do. He was a boy who would one day meet a partner far prettier and kinder than me and leave.

Of course, that was just my own wishful thinking. Shinwoo always looked at me with the same unwavering eyes.

He never forced his feelings on me or pestered me about them. He simply stood in his place, endlessly waiting for me to accept him.

“Astell, I like you.”

Johan’s voice became as intimate as a whisper.

His deep blue eyes were fixed on me. I felt as if my whole body was bound in chains.

“Please, accept me.”

Ah, so this is that mission. Say ‘YES’ to Johan’s request.

There’s no harm in accepting Johan’s feelings here.

I have feelings for Johan, too. Plus, I can get some points as a bonus.

‘But if Shinwoo had never existed, would I have felt this way about Johan?’

“I—”

The moment I opened my mouth, a teleportation circle glowed faintly, and Yulia popped out.

“Guild Master! Guild Master! Something terrible has happened!”

Johan, his face beet red, let go of me. Now free, I nonchalantly picked up my teacup.

“…What is it?”

“Hurry and check the community board! Quickly!”

At Yulia’s insistence, I opened the board. A new post was blinking.

[Hilarious Vid] This is how a bluebird chirps. Tweet tweet tweet tweet tweet! (♥137)

“Tweet? What’s that about?”

I started reading the post dismissively, then shot to my feet.

It said that Bluebird had not only given up on the raid but had fled from the Gray Forest.