Chapter 116

Chapter 116

“I” was saying such things to Jeong Seojin, who looked visibly disappointed. No, wait—after saying something no different from “I actually see you as having the same value as the most worthless trash in this world” to the child I was supposed to protect, I was doing this? I stared at “myself” in shock, utterly unable to understand.

“Did you want me to consider you special?”

“…Isn’t that obvious? I thought… you were like family to me. Of course, I can never figure out what you’re really thinking, I have no idea what you’re even doing out there, and I don’t even know if you’re human.”

Young Jeong Seojin took a deep breath, steadying his breathing for just a moment.

“Still, I thought you and I were family. No, I hoped we were.”

“…I’m sorry.”

“I” didn’t deny Jeong Seojin’s words. Thanks to that, young Jeong Seojin, who couldn’t have been older than a high school student, wore an even more wounded expression.

“I love everything that breathes and lives in my garden. The lush rose blooming in the center of the garden, the weed peeking out from the corner—to me, they are all equally lovely.”

“…That’s weird. So if a pest kills the rose you raised with your own hands, you’d cherish that pest too?”

“Yes.”

For a brief moment, Jeong Seojin was silent. Only after enough time had passed for the second hand to tick thirty or forty times did he ask, in a voice that seemed to be holding something back with great effort.

“…Do you know that you’re strange?”

“‘Strange,’ you say.”

“I” smiled faintly.

It was the first time “I,” who had always been utterly expressionless, had ever smiled.

“If self and other are the same, there is no reason not to love everyone in this world.”

* * *

After hearing “my” answer, young Jeong Seojin showed a deeply hurt expression for an instant, then immediately left the room. And “I” watched him go with a completely unbothered, expressionless face.

Whether it was thanks to that or because of it.

Despite being flustered by the confusing situation and worrying about Jeong Seojin who had just stormed out, I was able to calmly face this situation and my own circumstances.

‘First, let’s organize the information I’ve learned so far.’

First. I’ve returned to the past, just like when I met Mr. Yoon Juyeong before. For reference, the point I’ve returned to is roughly twenty years before the dungeon incident breaks out. In other words, it was when Jeong Seojin was only five years old.

Of course, time has flown by so fast since then that young Jeong Seojin, who was only five, is already a high school student now.

And second. I am currently… possessing an entity named “Princeps” who has the exact same face and body as me.

Actually, I’m not sure if I can call this possession. Normally, possession means entering another person’s body and gaining control over it, but that’s not what’s happening with me right now. After all, just a moment ago, I wasn’t “Yoon Seohee”—I had become “Princeps.”

Usually, possession means controlling someone else’s body and moving it as you wish, but what I experienced was closer to entering another person’s body and being controlled by that person’s spirit. I shuddered lightly as I recalled the past memories where the self called “Yoon Seohee” had been completely erased.

‘My own identity completely wiped out, and all that’s left is following the flow of someone else’s thoughts… You don’t realize it while it’s happening, but now that it’s over, it feels truly horrifying.’

At least it was a relief that the assimilation state broke when I felt a strong sense of dissonance during the conversation with Jeong Seojin. If I hadn’t felt anything strange and the assimilation had continued as it was, what would have happened? It’s just speculation, but “Yoon Seohee” might have disappeared forever.

‘Of course, I did gain something… After all, having lived together in Princeps’s body for over ten years, I’ve gotten a bit of a sense of who this person is.’

The third piece of information I learned was this. When I recalled the experiences and memories I’d shared with young Jeong Seojin so far, “Princeps” was none other than the Administrator before Nostalgier. For reference, an “Administrator” here refers to a being that decides the direction a world should take and adjusts the world in detail accordingly.

Actually, whenever beings like Nostalgier or King Arthur called themselves “Administrators,” I’d always wondered what exactly an Administrator did, but through this assimilation process with Princeps, I was able to resolve that question.

‘Of course, I absolutely never want to be assimilated with Princeps again.’

It was truly an experience I never wanted to go through again, but at the same time, I couldn’t deny that it had been beneficial in many ways. Of course, it was also true that it had raised even more questions than it had answered. For example, the question of what exactly my relationship with ‘Princeps’ was. I let out a deep sigh, even if only inwardly, and watched what the real ‘Princeps’ was doing.

‘…Does Princeps… worry about Jeong Seojin at all?’

Aside from glancing briefly at the door Jeong Seojin had walked out of, she showed no reaction whatsoever to his behavior, which had clearly seemed wounded. Instead, she just stared at the mirror in the room with a completely expressionless face, showing no emotion at all. No, really, I had no idea why she was looking at a mirror at a time like this. Did Princeps have a narcissistic streak I didn’t know about?

‘I didn’t get that feeling at all when I was assimilated with her.’

If anything, Princeps was closer to a philanthropist, in the sense that she loved all life in the world. …Actually, I wasn’t sure if it was right to call that philanthropy. Even the most ardent philanthropist who claimed to love everything in the world probably wouldn’t normally love a criminal who had harmed others’ property and lives.

While I was mulling over whether it was appropriate to describe Princeps as a ‘philanthropist,’ she stared intently at her own reflection in the mirror and suddenly tossed out a single sentence.

“Have you finished thinking everything through?”

In the mirror, a woman who looked exactly like me asked in a calm voice. Who was she talking to? Without much thought, I looked around beyond the mirror, trying to find who she was addressing. Of course, in the white room the mirror reflected, there was no one except Princeps.

As if to say she knew I was doing that, Princeps spoke again.

“Yes, you used the compass as a signpost and longing as your direction to reach this place, but you lost your way. However, now that you seem to have regained your sense of self, I shall ask as well.”

A faint smile formed on Princeps’s pale face reflected in the mirror.

“Will you tell me your name now? Child, who bears a soul of the same form as mine.”

Only then did I realize who she was questioning. The one she was speaking to now, the one she was asking, was none other than me.

‘…I’m… ‘Yoon Seohee.’ No, wait… Did you know I was here?’

If I had a physical body, I would definitely have been trembling. I felt a sensation as if my nonexistent fingertips were shaking as I asked Princeps.

As soon as she heard my question, Princeps smiled faintly for just a moment before answering.

“Surely, being an Administrator of a world, there’s no way I wouldn’t know that someone else had entered my body.”

Her face was perfectly composed, as if I’d asked something obvious. She continued speaking with an expressionless face, the faint smile that had briefly appeared now completely gone.

“I knew from the very beginning. However, seeing that you seemed to have lost even your sense of self, I thought I should wait a bit, so I simply waited.”

‘…….’

So, she had known about my existence from the start. I let out an inward groan and bit my lower lip. Of course, since I didn’t actually have a body I could control at will, that was only in spirit.

“I am not trying to scold or blame you. I simply thought you seemed to have many questions for me, so I wanted to give you a chance to ask directly.”

That was, thankfully, a relief. Given her nature of fundamentally loving all living things, I hadn’t thought she would suddenly take a hostile attitude toward me… but still, you never know. She might have said, ‘There is no mercy to be bestowed upon a soulless spirit,’ and tried to send me off to my final rest… is that the right word for it? Anyway, she could have tried to drive me out.

‘By the way, does that mean I can ask directly now?’

Then of course I had to seize the opportunity. Feeling a jumble of suspicion, curiosity, and bewilderment, I cautiously directed the question I had wanted to ask toward Princeps in the mirror.

‘Who are you?’

Naturally, this was the first question I wanted to ask. Who are you? I had become her directly and seen, heard, felt, and experienced many things, but even so, I didn’t know what kind of person she was.

I knew she was the Administrator before Nostalgier. I also knew what role an Administrator played, and I had learned that she was a being who fundamentally loved all living things. And that wasn’t all. Watching how he treated Jeong Seojin, I had also learned that, to him, everything in this world held equal value.

But at the same time, I still didn’t know.

Where he came from, why he lived the way he did, what he was trying to achieve, what kind of life he aspired to, and who those shadowy figures were that he met in the splendid garden apart from Jeong Seojin. And.

What relationship she had with me, exactly.

“I know your name. And I know you’re the ‘Administrator.’ But put another way, that’s all I know about you.”

I looked at the silver star settled in the mirror.

“Tell me about yourself, Princeps.”