Chapter 113: I Don't Peek Into the Future

A small incense burner made entirely of brass.

The base was wide, like a circular table, but the central pillar was thin, like the stem of a flower or plant, and as it rose, the volume expanded again into a shape resembling a rounded cup.

The interior was hollow, like a vessel meant to hold something, though it was not particularly deep.

A layer of pale gray bedding was spread inside and then flattened.

Upon that leveled surface, powder—shaved as if from sandalwood—was gathered and piled into a small mound, like a miniature hill, and a spark was placed at the summit as if lighting a fire.

Then, the powder began to burn from the top down, and along with a pale white smoke, a deep fragrance began to waft upward.

Once the brass lid was placed back on, it created a scene where the scent seemed to spring forth from between flower petals.

“Judging by the firmness in your eyes, it seems you’ve made up your mind.”

“…….”

Gazef, who had made his home in the cave, lit the incense burner upon the arrival of his belated guest and handed over some water brewed from medicinal herbs.

Receiving it, Kariel gazed steadily at the dark herbal sediment floating in the small wooden bowl.

“Don’t eat those.”

“…….”

Since the water was hot, he couldn’t gulp it down quickly, and since he was told not to eat or fish out the sediment, his drinking pace slowed even further.

There was no particular reason to consume it quickly, so Kariel calmly moistened his lips, let the liquid coat his tongue and teeth, and guided the contents down to warm his throat.

“So, have you decided where to go?”

“I am currently considering that.”

Going to the Empire immediately didn’t make much sense.

Yet, it wasn’t as if he had any other specific destination.

He had thought about staying holed up here until he felt certain, but…

“For now, I plan to visit the places Mines needs to go first.”

“Is that so?”

Gazef didn’t press further.

Despite having stayed here for so long, the number of people he had faced, or the number of times he had engaged in such a serious conversation, could be counted on one hand.

If there was a reason, it was perhaps that Kariel himself had lacked the leisure.

“Thank you for the food from before. It certainly helped a lot with my recovery.”

“Are you bringing up something from a year ago now? Don’t be so formal. When an adult gives you something, you just say ‘thank you’ and let it pass in your heart at that moment. If you expressed gratitude for every single thing you ate, when would you sleep, when would you hunt? When would you find a mate?”

“…….”

Though he was a Beastman, his physique was truly extraordinary.

He wasn’t quite of the Giant Race, but compared to humans or general species, his build was exceptionally intimidating.

Since ancient times, Beastmen had placed great importance on self-control and restraint, treating them as beliefs or religious doctrines.

Because of this, they were often more bound by form, formality, and various traditions and protocols than humans were.

It was their own desperate effort to suppress unnecessary conflict and avoid disrupting harmony by constantly controlling themselves in such a manner.

However, the more powerful the Beastman, the harder it must be to restrain one’s emotions, impulses, and instincts.

In the first place.

Even among fellow Beastmen, there were plenty who wondered or questioned why someone they viewed as prey should be treated as an equal or as a person.

Why achieve harmony with nature? Why show respect?

In Gazef’s case, he was a deer, a herbivore.

In other words, because he was a Lock-in, he was among those who had accepted such aspects more leniently.

But that didn’t mean he possessed a nature-friendly or peaceful disposition.

Absolutely not.

“Speaking of which, when do you intend to find a mate, mister?”

“Me? Is that necessary? I don’t think there’s a mate who could handle me.”

It seemed he was aware of his own brutality.

“There was one once. It almost became a big problem because we weren’t of the same kin… anyway, I have no interest for the time being. But you’re different, aren’t you? The girls following you must all be burning up; do you intend to leave them neglected irresponsibly? For a man to neglect a woman is more serious than being unable to take care of oneself. If they aren’t your mates, other guys will swoop in. To possess and not touch is beyond irresponsibility—it’s a full-blown crime.”

“…….”

Burning up?

And possessing without touching is a crime?

The expression was highly exaggerated and explicit, but the entire premise was wrong to begin with.

“I am not in that kind of relationship with them.”

“Poking, thrusting, and seeding all lead to the same result—having a child—so what’s ‘not’ about it? Is there something wrong with you? Or is there something wrong with them?”

“…That’s not what I meant.”

“As females, they are top quality. If I were a human with a human aesthetic eye, leaving them neglected would be a sin in itself. Both males and females suffer less when they have children while young. The birth itself is secondary.”

It seemed he had brought up a pointless topic.

This was beyond just poking a hornet’s nest.

“And the effort put into raising them is even greater. Securing food every day through hunting, protecting and tending to the home. Driving out and defeating competitors. And teaching survival skills so the offspring can easily become independent. Humans already have short lifespans and low birth rates, don’t they? So, before the first digit of your age turns into a 2, you should have at least two or three.”

“…….”

“At your age, isn’t it normal to have two or three children? I know back in your father’s time, everyone was trying to kill each other because of that damn Demon King and his followers, so there was little leisure… but even then, they all managed to mate just fine.”

“Sigh.”

He was starting to get confused whether this was a sermon or just mindless chatter.

“Aristhétis also seems to be showing interest in you, struggling to control her burning body. Don’t just test the waters; accept her quickly.”

“I’m telling you, it’s not like that.”

“What do you mean ‘not’? It is a man’s duty to grant a woman’s wish. What’s so hard about it? Just soothe her and put some water in. Why assign so much meaning to something that takes only a few minutes?”

“…Is this ‘granting a wish’ limited only to mating?”

“Once you mate, you become mates. That way, whether it’s two, three, or four of you, you can all live fulfilling lives by being devoted to one another. Isn’t that great? Trust doesn’t start in the heart; it starts by pressing bodies together. Do you think we, who were called heroes and warriors, had a good relationship from the start? Even the Emperor and your father were in a relationship where they pointed their swords at each other’s necks and hearts just to get the Holy Sword… this is a pretty famous story, didn’t you know?”

“…….”

Those two, who were closer than best friends, almost like brothers?

It was shocking, or rather, absurd.

More than that.

He thought that if he lived as the man described—wandering here and there and irresponsibly thrusting away to his heart’s content—life would be very simple.

No, come to think of it, there were so many people who lived like that, which was perhaps why doctrines were established to forbid living dissolutely.

Otherwise, by human society standards, there would be nothing but chaos.

Kariel himself was not in a position to be bound by the Church of Irenis’s doctrines, such as choosing only one woman and crossing the line only after marriage.

However.

“I don’t have the leisure for that right now.”

“Leisure is something you create. If you want to, why wouldn’t you be able to? It’s for the benefit of both parties. Why do you think males and females across all ages have been desperate to screw each other? Because once you do it, it’s so good. This is the true Divine Grace. The one equality that exists without discrimination among plants, insects, beasts, and humans is the right to give birth to life. Now! Tell me. Am I wrong?”

“…….”

Why had the topic suddenly turned in this direction?

Looking back, Kariel mentioning this topic in the first place might have been his greatest mistake.

Now that he thought about it, when he first saw Gazef here, hadn’t he treated Ases and himself as a married couple openly?

It had been extremely embarrassing.

When he insisted they weren’t a couple, Gazef had countered by asking if they were just a relationship for physical pleasure, and argued that if a child were born, they’d become a couple anyway, so what was the difference? It had made Kariel’s brain tremble.

“If you’re really unsure, just try it first and then think about it.”

“…I’m fine.”

Whether it was being indifferent toward romance or specifically avoiding lovers.

Since Kariel was a human and a man, it wasn’t that he was completely devoid of such consciousness, but…

“…….”

To like someone is to make oneself that much more vulnerable.

And that makes one that much more susceptible to betrayal.

Having had his heart pierced by those he believed to be comrades, if not lovers, and even by family…

…It was not easy for him to open his heart to something.

And when he eventually faced the results of such openness.

He didn’t want to be disappointed.

“You used to be such a friendly fellow. When you were younger, you were so precocious that whenever you saw a pretty girl your age, you’d ask her to be your wife. And then you’d say, ‘That older sister is my lover too!’ You even went to married women and told them you’d make them your wife.”

“I… I did that?”

“I remember it clearly. You really don’t remember a thing, do you? You were quite a sight back then. You hit on everyone regardless of race.”

“…….”

Was this a migraine or dizziness?

For a moment, his head felt like it was aching and spinning.

“You even told that Aseratte to live by your side if she had nowhere else to go. Isn’t that why that girl is clinging to you now?”

“…….”

“It wasn’t?”

Why was he exhaling sharply through his nose as if facing an unexpected situation?

He had a feeling that some absurd misunderstanding was becoming entrenched in a different sense.

No, it might already be far too late.

“The male is playing ‘I don’t know~’, so the female is getting furious. Did you not get slapped in the face?”

He hadn’t been slapped.

…He had, however, almost had his head severed by a sword.

“No, I really…”

I don’t know about this.

Just how sociable was I in the past?

No, this seems to have gone beyond the level of being ‘sociable.’

Was I really taken as a hostage? Or did I go along because I wanted to legally sightsee other countries as a trip?

“…….”

That sounds plausible.

Based on the information he had received so far, it felt reasonable.

“Right. Let’s end this story here. You don’t seem to have any worries in that area, and I’m not particularly interested in it either.”

“…….”

Is it finally over?

Because the topic was so disconcerting, he hadn’t even finished his medicine.

Since it had cooled down, it was easier to drink, but because of that, the deep fragrance had faded and the bitter taste became more prominent.

“For what purpose are you trying to grow your skills so extremely? I wondered whether to ask this… but I only heard the rumors outside after stepping out briefly recently.”

“…….”

“Just what did you get entangled with to be framed with such an absurd accusation?”

A frame.

“I’m not sure.”

Could it be called a mere frame?

“It’s probably not because of that lady with the power of the Great Demon King.”

“…It’s not easy to explain, and even if I did, the story would be very long. Even then, I cannot tell you with certainty.”

“What’s so complicated? That’s why you can’t even handle one female right now. To become a true male, you really need to experience it once.”

“…….”

“Ask Aseratte or Mines. Those two would probably grant it without hesitation.”

What was he asking him to request?

He understood the point, but discussing it so casually… he didn’t know if it was because Gazef wasn’t human or if his personality was just like that.

“I don’t think a person changes because of something like that.”

In the first place.

Whether he did it or not didn’t matter much right now.

Desire, or lust.

If there was a fatal flaw, it was that such things did not arise.

Although it was a world like an illusion, born from dreams and consciousness.

I had enjoyed more lives in those worlds of dreams and consciousness than in reality.

Was that why?

“I know your consciousness and spirit are becoming like that of great nature, and your emotions are fading… but if you think that’s the truth, you’re completely mistaken.”

Nature, on the contrary.

“Possesses incredibly rich emotions. Even desires and lusts.”

“……?”

“However, they aren’t as diverse as those of living beings like us.”

Isn’t it like this?

“Some plants in this area, unable to receive sunlight, survive by parasitizing other trees or eating creatures.”

And some plants.

“…Saying ‘if I die, you all die too,’ they burn down the forest.”

“Huh? What?”

“It’s not a lie. There are plants like that.”

As you can see, this is what nature is.

“We express various desires and emotions, but they are unidirectional. It’s hard to explain, but they also feel joy, sadness, and fear just like we do.”

“…….”

“But those whose nature is predetermined do not change once, but hundreds or thousands of times. Perhaps more, as they live and die, changing their temperament and ecology. Even if they were simple weeds or grass in the past, at some point, they might sicken or burn even a giant tree, or summon pests to devastate a competing tree.”

Now, look.

“This is what life is. But the dead are silent. Do you think a rock is dead? A living rock and a dead rock have a different sense of vitality. Their strength is different. A dead rock is easily damaged and split… but a living rock is hard and even tenacious.”

“…That sounds like something hard to believe.”

“With the current you, you should be able to recognize that much. I suppose it just didn’t catch your eye because you weren’t interested.”

“…….”

“Live vibrantly. If you want to live.”

Even if moving toward death.

“Do not deny that you are alive. Rather than just having been born, isn’t it better to be able to think later that it was good to have been born?”

“…….”

Those are good words.

Words that seeped deep into his heart.

But.

There is one thing you do not know.

“…….”

I am not killing or erasing my emotions.

Rather, it is because my emotions are so rich that I have been able to endure until now.

It’s just that those emotions are fundamentally closely tied to anger.

I am not killing my emotions.

I am…

…simply killing my anger.

So that I do not explode this emotion toward innocent people.

So that I do not make a mistake because of it.

I…

“Thank you for the kind words.”

“You say that with a face that shows it didn’t reach you at all.”

Gazef exhaled sharply, yet his bright eyes looked up slightly, appearing somewhat disappointed or bittersweet.

Since he was similar to humans yet different, it was a bit confusing to tell what that expression meant.

…But, if one looks with the heart instead of the eyes.

Everything becomes clear.

“No. I am sincerely grateful.”

There was not a single shred of lie in these words.

However, just because he was grateful.

Just as that advice and encouragement, that interest and comfort, could not become a sweet rain in his heart.

Would such a day ever come?

He didn’t know.

To let go of the heart, to rely on someone, to entrust oneself…

If only he could just leave it all to someone.

“…….”

If I were to collapse like that once.

Would I ever be able to stand up again? Could I make a comeback?

…Since the moment he rejected Alessia’s kindness, his worries about this part had long since ended.

Therefore, there was no change.

No room to waver.

Nevertheless.

“As you said, I hope a day comes when I can tell someone that I am grateful to have been born.”

If such a day ever comes.

Then, he would gladly be grateful, over and over again.