Chapter 114: I Don't Peek Into the Future

I had experienced far too much.

Even if it was all an illusion.

The things I had gone through did not simply vanish.

However, perhaps because those years were so long…

I had almost forgotten my original purpose.

-Recalling it is quite simple.

Humans—living beings—are slaves to memory.

-If you keep recalling your worst memories, you won’t be able to forget them even if you want to.

She called it a drastic measure… but it certainly worked.

It wasn’t a method used from the beginning.

But as I am only human, perhaps due to the endless storms of time, my original purpose had begun to grow ambiguous and blurred at some point.

And as if anticipating this, the Demon King properly awakened me to it.

Thanks to that, even now, as if experiencing a nightmare while wide awake… I could openly recall and ruminate on the emotions and regrets, the anger and helplessness, and various other negative feelings I felt back then.

At the same time.

…The things I experienced through Alessia, and the small memories shared with Luirin.

I could recall those openly as well.

Ultimately, those memories were now providing me with the driving force to move forward.

Also.

The absurdity of this world, where one should suffer simply by existing and feel as though breathing itself is a curse…

…There were times when I hated it so much I could hardly bear it.

And of course, the opposite was true.

When immersed in stillness, there was nothing more comforting than a brief moment of peace.

It felt as if, in those moments, all worries and agonies became meaningless.

Which one was the real me?

The answer was simple.

All of it was me.

The “I”—everything happening within me—was this colorful and diverse.

Chaos and order.

Peace and discord.

All of them constantly clash, cycle, interact, merge, and scatter in a repeating loop.

This is replicated in nature through various phenomena.

And in the societies of intelligent beings, including humans, it is replicated through all sorts of occurrences.

“…….”

It felt as if I were about to be swallowed whole.

But in truth, we had already been swallowed.

By logic and reason.

By laws and providence.

The thing I took as my foundation.

A vast world that transcends the expanse of the universe, continuing to widen, expand, and inflate boundlessly even at this moment.

The thing that always sits at the center of such a world.

From that center, the world is once again established, expanded, and formed.

I realize, consciously or unconsciously, that even the sun we gaze upon is infinitely humble compared to it.

…Actually, I still didn’t really know what was what.

Even understanding what I heard was overwhelming.

Rather, it felt as if my chest and heart understood perfectly, but my mind had not yet progressed beyond a superficial understanding.

-That level is appropriate. For now, ignorance is bliss.

Dipping your ankles in seawater is a completely different dimension from plunging your entire head in.

-This much is enough for now.

Since she said so, I let go of my heart so as not to fall deeper into questions and doubts.

As my body became equipped, the things I understood and absorbed gradually changed.

I became able to do things I couldn’t before.

Things I didn’t know became naturally clear.

Perhaps because my field of vision had widened.

The things I saw, heard, and felt became far more precise than before.

…Even so, I was still in the adaptation stage.

A newborn child cannot fly or walk from the start.

It was just like that.

Providence.

Just as preparation is needed to grow larger.

To jump higher.

-Enjoy your directional wandering.

The Demon King said.

That desperation depends on the experiences you’ve had.

It depends on your heart that accepts them.

It depends on your consciousness that strives not to forget them.

And it depends on your will to overcome them.

Among those.

-Not a single one is negligible.

The pain and the joy you experienced.

Everything you enjoy or reject.

-Is your right.

====

“Th-th-th-this! This?! R-r-really… can you… g-g-give this to me?”

The day before leaving the Valley of the Lake Dragon.

A small, makeshift feast is held in the clearing.

A wild boar is hung up and roasted whole.

We share the fruit wine Ases had brewed.

And when I mentioned that I would give the guitar to Aristhétis as a parting gift, she reacted with such a fuss.

“I can get one after I leave, but you can’t, right?”

“W-well, that may be true, but…!”

She rambled on.

“If it’s given, it’s only natural to receive it.”

When Lansrus, transformed into a Dragonkin, dismissed her concerns like that, Aristhétis took the guitar with trembling hands, as if she were being bestowed a legendary sword.

“It’s been nearly two years. You’ve changed beyond recognition in such a short time.”

“…….”

Kariel felt it too.

People around him mentioned that he had grown taller, but he didn’t feel much of a difference.

His build had become a bit sturdier compared to before, but he simply took it in stride.

Compared to the physical powerhouses, his frame was still fragile, but since he was no longer in a position to use his body through mere muscle or bone, there was no need to obsess over or be bound by such things.

Nor did he feel a deep attraction to a body heavily trained with muscle, nor did he have any particular reason to take pride in that direction.

“Next time we meet, I’m going to land a hit on you.”

“…Sure.”

Ever since he faced Kariel, Rurik had always displayed a competitive spirit.

He hadn’t even been this persistent when sparring with Ases. I wonder why.

“Puhahat!”

Meier, tilting a wine skin in the corner, seemed to view even this as an unnecessary formality, remaining immersed in his own world.

He is drunk at every moment, yet he never lets go of his sword.

A man whose blood is made of alcohol, and whose body is as unreliable as a rusted blade.

Yet, he is one of the few experts capable of competing in skill even with Ases.

In fact, the one who could be called the teacher of Rurik and Aristhétis would have been Meier, not Lansrus.

“…….”

In a sense, that man is a natural too.

To live in a constant state of mental oblivion while drinking like that, yet instead of his skills slackening, he grows every day… no matter how I think about it, it doesn’t add up.

Above all, being close to alcohol usually implies that both body and mind are not sound.

As the former Kariel, who couldn’t even cast off the category of an ordinary person, let alone a model student, he often felt a strange sense of emotion when seeing such an existence.

From those in the Academy who slept all the time yet maintained top grades.

To those who played profligately yet displayed innate genius when it came time to show their skills.

For Kariel, whose results were disastrous no matter how hard he tried, he couldn’t help but feel a sense of deprivation and inferiority.

…Thinking about it that way, his current self was also, in a way, the pinnacle of irrationality.

Therefore, Kariel had no intention of underestimating or overestimating this.

Much less any intention to boast or show off.

At his age, one is usually swayed by the desire to flaunt their achievements.

…But he felt no such motivation.

It was bad before, but it was even worse now.

Well, a lot of time had passed.

The nearly two years spent here felt like nearly ten years to Kariel.

How long had he been immersed in the illusions?

Furthermore, even during the training to build his body while awake, he had been half-immersed in illusions the entire time.

…However, there is a strict limit to the realm one can reach through such training.

Skill does not improve simply by working hard or doing it for a long time.

I didn’t know, but the Demon King pointed that out clearly.

And.

“Did you figure out on your own that simply polishing your skills is infinitely insufficient?”

“…….”

Kariel thought for a moment and replied.

“No. I was told.”

“I thought so.”

Lansrus nodded his large head as if his curiosity was satisfied.

Then, however.

“But how did you know the timing?”

“Timing?”

“Strictly speaking, it wouldn’t have been strange for you to spend a few more years training here. Why do you want to leave now of all times?”

“That’s because….”

Because I heard there is nothing more to gain.

From whom?

…From the Demon King.

By cultivating his body here, where the energy of nature is abundant, his body had developed accordingly.

But on the other hand, it was skewed.

I’m not entirely sure, but the Demon King said that since cold energy forms the overall base, it is now necessary to breathe in hot energy to balance it out.

…Then she mentioned the Yin-Yang Harmony, and at first, I didn’t know what that was.

Come to think of it, there was a passage like that in the Heart Formula Grandeus taught me.

[Penetrate like a flame swallowing fuel, and carve through like the cold that freezes lakes and river water.]

This is said to be the essence of Yin-Yang Harmony, and once I approached it as the theory of heat and cold that mages usually mention in Magic Theory, it became a bit easier to understand.

“At first, your mind couldn’t keep up with your body, but now it’s the opposite. The completion of your body has reached its peak, but your mind isn’t keeping up.”

“Is that so?”

“Yes. I’d like to tell you to look at things more calmly and long-term… but you must have your own thoughts to be leaving this place. Isn’t that right?”

“…….”

“Firm up your resolve. At your current level, you’ll have nothing to envy regardless of where you are in the world.”

If it was an overstatement, it was a huge one.

If it was high praise, it was the highest.

The Lake Dragon before him was, in a way, an existence whose victory or defeat even the current Kariel could not easily guarantee.

Yet even he said:

“Your father is a breathing disaster. Even I cannot face him.”

“That is how threatening the Golden Beast was to the higher-ups. If he hadn’t been of that caliber, he couldn’t have defeated it. That’s why they judged it necessary to let such a thing be born in this era. Or… I don’t know if an even greater trial comparable to it will arrive later. I don’t know the future.”

“…….”

If that were the case.

For what reason was Kariel born, and why had he come this far?

“…….”

Kariel knew.

Because in his dreams, in the virtual world, he had fought repeatedly against the father the Demon King had manifested.

Seriously, he had not beaten him a single time.

The Golden Beast.

That is, assuming the time he faced the Demon King was his absolute prime.

His father, an active Hero, was still like a giant wall.

A wall that soared high into the sky, as if it were impossible to overcome.

And yet, the Demon King said this.

Perhaps. He would be stronger now than he was then.

That now, possessing only the Holy Sword without any Holy Relics, he would be stronger than when he faced her.

…At this point, it’s overwhelming.

How could there be any room for arrogance or satisfaction?

He couldn’t help but always feel inadequate.

“Having a high goal is a good thing.”

Lansrus threw out words that seemed to strangely pierce through his inner thoughts.

“But do not become too absorbed in it. A mountain is just a mountain. Whether you make that mountain a wall blocking your path, or a scenic view to admire… it all depends on your mindset.”

“Yes. I am always reflecting on that.”

The biggest obstacle is ultimately something I create.

No one ever called it an obstacle.

I simply regarded it as such. I felt it as such.

Therefore, removing it.

Is also up to my heart.

“…….”

Even if I set my mind that way, the fact that it is realistically blocking my path is a stark reality and a fact.

It’s just that there’s no need to be intimidated before crossing it.

Because if that fear grows into terror as time piles up, it will only become more difficult then.

At that moment, Ases cut in.

“Let’s stop with the serious talk, shall we? It’s boring. Oh, while we’re at it, how about playing a song to liven things up?”

As she suggested while shaking her wooden cup, Lansrus left the spot with a hum.

“…….”

Kariel took the guitar back from Aristhétis as if it were no problem.

“Right. Your expression only comes alive at times like this.”

While Ases giggled and stepped back, Mines, who had been staring at the meat roasting in the flames, also seemed to take interest and turned her attention this way.

“Haa!”

As Aristhétis held her cheeks with a look of full anticipation, a strange feeling welled up.

Should I call this pressure, or expectation?

A task? A job? repeated over a long period?

Anyway, since it was all that, there was no reason to feel nervous now.

“…….”

Did Ases say to liven things up?

Then….

Beyond simply plucking the strings as usual.

This time, I wanted to play the guitar in a different way.

As if stirring with fingers.

Plucking, drumming, tearing, and even striking the strings as if swinging the wrist.

I even tried drumming on the body of the guitar with the back of my hand and palm like a percussion instrument, separate from the strings.

And again, striking the strings as if hitting them.

“Waaaah—!!”

Rather than the music itself, I focused more on the style of the performance, the act itself.

I continued the performance.

Direct emotions rather than stimulating sensibility.

Like eyes drawn to a flashy dance and rhythm.

Like eyes drawn to a flashy song.

In a way that was closer to a spectacle, with the intention of adding excitement for those watching and enjoying.

And so, I continued until the very end, my final performance in this place.

The night was deep, but thanks to the blazing fire and the forest that embraced the surroundings, the area was incredibly bright.

As if we had settled around a heater, using the heart that grew hot while held in the embrace of the forest.

The roasting meat smelled foul at first, but now it was only savory and fragrant.

The sparks and embers popping in the flames felt poignant.

In the end, all of this was a momentary, fleeting diversion.

It didn’t matter.

If I could rest even for a moment.

That alone was satisfying enough.