Chapter 32: Why are you eating toothpaste?

Hello. This is Emergency Rations.

It’s a house, but it’s Emergency Rations.

Born from a strong desire for safety, mixed with various ingredients, I was a thought-form created by chance.

Without clear self-awareness, I wandered the inside of the house, gradually growing by feeding on the emotions of the house’s owner and residents.

Our thought-forms grow into curses or evil spirits, or blessings or holy spirits, depending on what we consume.

Very rarely, if we achieve balance, we become the house’s spirit, but that almost never happens.

Since I was born from a kind desire for safety, there was a high chance I’d grow into a blessing or holy spirit.

But that didn’t happen.

The first owner, as the construction dragged on, became filled with regret and hatred.

Born as Lawful Good, I ended up leaning toward Chaotic Evil.

When the house was completed, a new owner and residents began to live here.

Occasionally, there were warm treats, but the staple food was cold hatred and despair.

Sometimes I was purified by basking in radiant light and hearing the sound of gongs, but I kept getting tainted by the malice that welled up inside.

I figured if I met the next owner, I’d finally be reborn as an evil spirit.

But this time, after receiving a name, I established my identity and became the house’s spirit.

Not a curse, not a blessing, not an evil spirit, not a holy spirit-just the house’s spirit.

The very first thing I did after becoming the house’s spirit was to look at the owner’s face.

How bad is your sense of naming to call the house something like this?

Should I spit through the pipes, corrupted with Chaotic Evil?

That’s what I thought as I looked at the owner.

But I immediately shifted into neutral.

Well, becoming the house’s spirit in the first place means I’d already gone into neutral anyway.

So what is that, then.

Is that really a human?

No, the outward appearance isn’t human, but the heart inside is definitely human.

But how strong must their will be-

To carry something like that within their body.

I was almost certain to become an evil spirit, yet-

How did they turn me into the house’s spirit?

Just how strong must their will be-

To be eroded by something so horrifying and not fall into despair?

That thing….

Is that really a human?

***

[Makina: Yahoo.

Makina: What are you doing?]

Real name, age, gender, face, nationality.

I didn’t know a single thing about my online friend Makina, but I got a message from her.

[Me: Cleaning the house]

The previous owner of this house was murdered by their children. Once that was revealed, all of them lost their inheritance rights. Faced with losing even what they had, they took everything of value from the house and sold it off. I heard there was an ugly dispute afterward, but that’s none of my business.

Any junk left in the house is legally mine to dispose of.

So I’m melting down and absorbing everything I don’t need, along with the dust that’s piled up.

Someone might show up trying to claim ownership and make a fuss.

But since there’s no legal issue, I have no intention of even opening the door.

[Makina: The sound has a bit of an echo?

Makina: Are you in a big place?]

How does sound echo when we’re texting?

[Me: Honestly, you’re watching me from somewhere right now, aren’t you?

Makina: Busted.

Me: How many times have I reported you for stalking?

Makina: 010-7118-XXXX

Me: What number is that?

Makina: The police commissioner’s phone number.

Me: How high up are you going to take this.]

If you succeed in persuading them over the phone, I guess the stalker is definitely getting caught.

[Me: Correct, it’s a big place.

Me: I moved.

Makina: Congrats, congrats, congrats.

Makina: Did you finally graduate from being a spine-breaker?

Me: Instead of my parents, now the bank has stuck a straw in my spine.

Me: I’m in more debt than an ordinary office worker would earn in a lifetime. 🙁

Makina: Need help?

Me: Do you think I would?

Makina: Nay.

Makina: If you had money problems, you wouldn’t even bring it up.

Me: That’s why I can’t stand sharp people.

Makina: lolololol

Me: I do have a lot of debt, but it’s an amount I can pay off soon.

Me: More than anything, the house is really great.

Me: The house is so nice~.

Me: It’s really nice~.

Me: There’s not enough space to express how I feel.]

I don’t mention anything specific. Even if I just describe the outside, Makina’s sharp instincts would pinpoint the house.

I do think, what’s the harm in telling Makina my house address?

But I don’t want to mess with the unspoken rules we’ve built between us.

[Makina: My house is better, though?

Me: No, my house is better.

Makina: My house is 125 ZB.

Me: What kind of unit is that, lololol.

Makina: Zonna Big.

Me: lolololol.]

I had some silly banter with Makina.

Before I knew it, I was playing a board game with Makina.

Of course, it was a mobile app.

Whether it’s a game using your brain,

or your hands,

or your feet,

I can’t compete with Makina.

She’s a beast in the world of games.

But if it’s a game of luck, I’ve got a chance!

I’ve been feeling lucky lately!

[Me: lololololol

Me: Seoul again.

Me: At this point, shouldn’t you visit me in real life?

Makina: shut up.

Makina: Who gave a prisoner the right to speak?]

It’s a game where you build hotels all over the world and take your opponent’s money.

Makina showed off the magic of landing on the Seoul hotel five times.

And yet, the reason she didn’t go bankrupt?

She bought up land like a ghost, so all my salary ended up in her hotels scattered around the world.

[Me: Prison is actually pretty cozy.

Me: I don’t want to leave.

Makina: Hurry up and get out.]

In the end, the game ended with my defeat.

[Me: Bye bye.

Makina: Cya]

Playing with friends really is fun.

I should hang out with Gisu too.

But he’s a caveman who isn’t close with smartphones, so I can’t play games with him like I do with Makina.

Should I invite him over to my place to hang out?

Hahaha.

Gisu. Our Gisu, who hates monsters.

Should I tell Gisu about my current state?

Hahaha.

I’m not ready to die just yet.

***

Originally from the Arctic, but ran away during adolescence and ended up in Antarctica.

Lived off eating penguins, and when she became an adult, she tried to eat a human she met, but after tasting pudding, she fell in love with it.

A virtual streamer, Polar Girl, who started streaming to earn money for pudding.

While she was chatting with her viewers.

-Did you see the thing you like eating the thing you like?

A video donation arrived.

Before showing it to the viewers, she checked the video first, then flashed a wide grin, revealing sharp teeth.

“Wrong. This is a video where something I like + something I like + something I like makes something I like, and then eats it deliciously.”

She put a single Shorts up on the screen for everyone to see.

“You’re asking if I know? Of course I do. He, she, it, oh~ fuxx. I’ll just call him ‘he.’ He’s super cute, a penguin, and a slime that looks like pudding. Oh~, seriously cute. Isn’t it amazing? Look at him making all those different dishes at the same time. There’s even a video of him juggling with ice cream-that one is pure art.”

–

“Look at that finished pudding. How did he make a pudding that looks exactly like himself?”

–

“Did you hear that squishy sound just now? Doesn’t it make you feel all tingly inside?”

Polar Girl wiped her mouth with her arm, hearts sparkling in her eyes.

“Ah, he looks so delicious. I want to eat him. Slurp.”

At that moment, the chat started to scroll at lightning speed.

After a brief loading, Polar Girl figured out what the viewers had understood.

“That’s not what I meant…. Oh~ you fuxxing bastards.”

She cursed and gave up.

If it had just ended there, it would’ve been nothing more than a silly skit.

***

-(Polar Girl will eat you.)

Strange comments started appearing on WTube videos.

Well, there were always a lot of weird comments, but this specific type suddenly increased.

-(OOO will eat you.)

It seemed like an internet meme, so I looked up its origin.

It started with a virtual streamer in a polar bear girl avatar. But after that, it spread widely in the streamer market as a trap card, used for men and women, humans, animals, reality, and virtual alike.

The streamer receives a meme image of me with a giant slime pudding.

-[Do you want to eat this big slime?]

“Yeah. It looks tasty.”

-[I was talking about the bigger slime.]

It’s basically a meme that mocks people like this.

This meme, which started overseas, crossed the sea and arrived in Korea.

Banana Kick, seriously….

Who could’ve guessed the pudding video would come back around like this.

Is this a lucky break?

It does seem like a lucky break.

After all, it’s a combination of ‘slime’ and ‘eating.’

Not that I mean eating as in absorbing nutrients, though.

“With the mood like this, should I go ahead with the plan?”

I made an orb in my palm.

<Strawberry-Flavored Gargle Slime>

-A strawberry-flavored slime that swells up when it absorbs moisture. Removes residue! Fights cavity-causing bacteria! Gets rid of plaque! Removes tartar! Prevents gingivitis, coats teeth! Regenerates gums! Fresh-smelling breath! Sparkling teeth! Leave your oral health to me!

I rolled the red orb slime in my palm and tossed it into my mouth.

When you chew it.

“Jjin~ppum!”

I can’t leave this part out.

As I supplied slime juice instead of saliva, it swelled up pretty quickly. The texture was similar to shoving a ton of gum into your mouth.

As I kept pouring in slime juice, the <Strawberry-Flavored Gargle Slime> kept growing until it lost its shape and scattered.

Now it’s safe to spit it out in the sink.

There are other flavors besides strawberry.

The orange <Orange-Flavored Gargle Slime>

The yellow <Lemon-Flavored Gargle Slime>

The green <Mint Choco Gargle Slime>

The blue <Soda-Flavored Gargle Slime>

The navy <Deep Sea-Flavored Gargle Slime>

The purple <Grape-Flavored Gargle Slime>.

I prepared all seven flavors like this.

Why doesn’t the mint choco one taste good, you ask?

Because it’s mint choco.

What does deep sea flavor taste like?

Salty.

I used the [Store] skill to make it convenient to carry. Water is helpful, but even without it, it’ll swell up plenty with just saliva. If it absorbs too much water, it breaks down, so you can just spit it into the sink. If you’re lazy, just toss it in the trash.

The eco-friendly slime breaks down quickly in nature.

I’m debating whether to sell this <Gargle Slime> or not.

I think it would sell well. When a company that sells facial cleansers releases toothpaste, people aren’t that put off, right?

If making money was my only goal, I would’ve sent it straight to the Alchemy Center.

But my real goal is to popularize edible slime, and then alchemy potion slime.

I’m not sure if this <Gargle Slime> will be a stepping stone or a stumbling block for Operation <<You Will Want to Eat Slime.>>.

At the very least, this <Gargle Slime> should help reduce people’s resistance to putting slime in their mouths. In that sense, it could be a stepping stone.

But you’re taught from childhood that gargle and toothpaste are things you spit out. You’ve lived your whole life that way. It helps get people to put it in their mouths, but what’s the point if they just spit everything out?

Should I make it melt as soon as it enters the mouth so you can’t spit it out?

Or make it so delicious you just can’t help but swallow?

“…Maybe it’s not impossible?”

[Today at 11 a.m. A famous alchemist, Mr. A, was urgently arrested on drug manufacturing charges.]

I won’t see headlines like this, right?

Alright. Let’s just sell it.

Whatever I expect, it never goes the way I think.

Like a basketball spinning and spinning on the rim, it’ll go in someday.

***

Once, he was an office worker who scattered the hardships of life everywhere like a bucket of water, leaving malicious comments.

After being freed from his itchy, smelly front side thanks to <Pack Slime>, he turned over a new leaf.

There was a brief moment when he turned dark, but after downing a bowl of national pride, he became clean again and was living a peaceful office life.

With the center of his body at ease, his expression brightened and his relationships became harmonious. He had people to share empathy with, work was going well, and he was living a rewarding office life.

Such a man saw a new item posted at the Alchemy Shop and bought it immediately.

Buy first, think later.

‘Gargle? Mint choco?’

He was drawn in by the green color and bought it, but of all things, it was mint choco.

He had no intention of eating toothpaste, but since it wasn’t food, maybe that was a relief?

The price was twenty thousand won for a pack of ten.

That’s not just a little expensive-it’s pretty pricey. Two thousand won per gargle.

‘No, it’s a product made by Alchemy Slime.’

The office worker shook off his regrets with faith in Alchemy Slime.

The next day. After lunch, the office worker put the <Mint Choco Gargle Slime> in his mouth.

‘It’s delicious.’

The harmony of coolness and sweetness opened a new door.

After swirling it inside his mouth and chewing a few times, he gulped it down.

He remembered too late that he was supposed to spit it out, but the slime had already gone down his throat.

He considered whether he should throw up, but since there wasn’t much time left in his lunch break, he decided to just let it go.

If his stomach started to hurt, he could think about it then.

After enjoying the smooth and shiny feeling of his teeth with his tongue, he immersed himself in work.

Twenty-four hours later.

He jumped up and ran to the bathroom.

A signal that came for the first time in days.

There was no abdominal pain. It was just as if a wild boar was pounding on his sphincter like crazy.

Liberation!

“Ooooooooooooo~!”

With an unbroken cry of awe, he let it all out.

This was the most satisfying release of his life.

When he checked the toilet, a black serpent was there.

The office worker flushed the toilet in high spirits.

But the serpent refused to move aside, hissing and making watery noises.

A formidable foe he couldn’t fight alone.

Defeating the serpent took time and manpower.

The rumor that a snake had appeared in the company spread throughout the entire office.

The office worker felt like he could die of embarrassment.

But he was someone who had sworn to become one with Alchemy Slime.

If it helped Alchemy Slime, he had the courage to overcome his own shame.

He proudly revealed the secret behind summoning the serpent in the bathroom.

And that wasn’t the end of it.

Another twenty-four hours passed.

The office worker produced a golden snake that made him want to buy a lottery ticket the moment he saw it.

***

[A review of the Alchemy Slime’s new product <Mint Choco Gargle Slime>, which takes responsibility for your digestive tract from start to finish.]

Mm, mm.

Ah, ah.

Mic test. Mic test.

Alright.

I have to say this famous line here.

“Why are you eating toothpaste?”