Chapter 33: Promotion.

Hello. This is Emergency Rations.

I’m not sure if a lunatic who eats things living creatures shouldn’t eat is even human, and I’m a little scared that one day I’ll be next on the menu, but considering my name, I think that’s a reasonable suspicion.

Still, the owner is the owner, so I intend to keep watching.

In truth, other than watching, there’s not much else I can do.

If I were an evil spirit, I’d strangle the owner; if I were a holy spirit, I’d at least sprinkle some glitter on the owner’s head, but I’m neither-I’m the house’s spirit.

I’m a hybrid that’s not the strongest of light and darkness combined, but just something that couldn’t become either light or darkness.

I’ve become a powerless house’s spirit, but I don’t have any major complaints. The owner is quite fun to observe.

The previous residents were different. Back then, I didn’t have a clear consciousness, so only fragments remain, but recalling it makes the walls feel like they’re turning black.

But when I watch the current owner, the walls feel soft.

Not long ago, I saw the owner talking with a friend who looked just like them.

I’ve stored the expression I saw then safely away.

And just recently, the owner did something I really liked.

They started leaving the TV on all day.

Thanks to that, I’ve been keeping up with dramas lately.

The female lead fell in love with her stepfather’s ex-wife’s stepson.

She fell in love with the sibling of a sibling of a sibling!

I wonder how this story will unfold?

***

Micro LED 110-inch TV.

The price is about 170 million won.

I didn’t buy this thing.

Before the previous owner’s children were kicked out, they worked hard to get rid of everything in the house.

Light things like luxury bags, watches, jewelry, and artwork could be sold off quickly or stashed somewhere, but heavy things like the TV, refrigerator, and solid wood furniture were left behind because they were too hard to move or sell fast.

It would’ve been better if they’d just left them alone.

This 170 million won TV. I’ll try eating it.

I don’t want to be doing this either.

If I wanted a new TV, I could just buy a new one instead of eating this. The house is so big, there’s plenty of space for TVs.

The problem is the condition of this 170 million won TV. The utterly unfilial brats trashed what they couldn’t take.

Signs of punching, kicking, golf clubs, ashtrays, and liquor bottles are everywhere.

This TV wasn’t spared either-the LED is shattered in many places.

You can still use it as a 50-inch TV with the split-screen function.

But the smashed parts are an eyesore every time I look at it.

With the money it’d take to repair this, I could just buy a brand-new TV.

So I decided to eat it.

If I filmed myself smashing this TV and uploaded it, I’d probably get ten million views easily, but that’s not what my channel is about.

Ah, should I upload a video of me eating it? That’d probably get thirty million views.

Forget it. It’s not like I’m advertising that I’ve become a Slime.

Bon appétit.

Nom.

[The level of the Analyze skill has increased to 23.]

“Status window.”

[Trait: Slime☆ Lv. 19

+Courage

Skills:

Decompose Lv. 22.

Absorb Lv. 22.

Analyze Lv. 23.

Divide Lv. 18.

Control Lv. 18.

Transform Lv. 18.

Store Lv. 21.

Convert Lv. 17.]

Huh, that’s a new discovery.

The [Analyze] skill just jumped up by two levels at once.

So they don’t count the design, but they do count the tech, huh.

Whether I eat plain white sugar in a bag or a sugar phoenix sculpture, the experience points are the same.

But the pinnacle of modern science and technology comes with a bonus.

When my level was low, the [Decompose], [Absorb], and [Analyze] skills all leveled up together. But as the levels increased, the [Analyze] skill started growing slower compared to the other two.

[Divide], [Control], [Transform], and [Convert] skills also go up together, but these four grow slower than [Decompose], [Absorb], and [Analyze]. Even getting them to 18 was thanks to the skill experience bonuses at trait levels 5, 10, and 15 for [Trait: Slime☆].

[You have repeated the same action a certain number of times. Experience gained is reduced.]

I got this kind of notification while making the <Mosquito> series.

After that, the growth rate slowed down.

The same thing is happening to Gongdori☆. I’ll have to figure something out for that too.

But I can’t just suddenly stop making <Insole Slime> and <Pack Slime>.

Well, I’ll worry about that later.

Level 20 is just around the corner.

[Trait: Slime] Lv. 20, the one that coughed up the <Curse Fragment>.

At level 15, I got Gongdori through [Special Divide]. After resetting to level 1 and reaching level 15 again, [Special Divide] disappeared from the options, and I got the [Convert] skill right away.

I wonder what’ll happen this time.

I grabbed two metal chopsticks and stuck them where metal rods definitely shouldn’t go.

*Warning: Do not try this at home.*

[The level of the Convert skill has increased to 18.]

[The level of Trait: Slime☆ has increased to 20.]

[A new skill has been created.]

I let out a sigh of relief.

If [Special Divide] pops up, I get an alert saying [You can select a new skill.].

No, it’s too soon to relax.

Don’t tell me it’s [Transform].

[Trait: Slime☆ Lv. 20

–

Convert Lv. 19.

Multiply Lv. 1.]

“Phew….”

It’s not the [Transform] skill.

[Multiply], huh.

I grabbed an airtight container and made <Gargle Slime> inside it.

“Oh?”

When I make something, the process usually goes: first [Decompose], then [Absorb] to increase mass, then [Store] to compress it. I use the [Control] skill to shape part of my body, change it with the [Transform] skill, and separate it with the [Divide] skill. Then I decompress the stored Slime and replenish the separated part.

It’s actually much more complicated, especially the [Transform] part, which is the hardest and most time-consuming.

But with the [Multiply] skill, I can increase the amount of transformed Slime.

How big of a difference is that?

It’s like the difference between doing math without parentheses and doing it with parentheses.

I can now change 5×3+7×2+5×3+7×2+5×3+7×2 into (5×3+7×2)x3.

My [Transform] skill isn’t as simple as (5×3+7×2), and my production volume is in the tens of thousands. It’s not x3, it’s at least x20,000 per day.

[The level of the Multiply skill has increased to 2.]

Right now, the skill level is low and my use of it is clumsy, so there’s no revolutionary change yet.

But once the skill level rises and I get the hang of it, I’ll be able to churn out ten thousand pieces an hour while watching TV.

Should I install a conveyor belt in the house?

After looking around inside to see where a Slime factory would fit best.

I sprawled out on the floor and browsed WTube.

Even if I don’t obsessively search like I used to, I still need to check product reactions.

And then I found something like this.

[Review of Alchemy Slime’s new product <Mint Choco Gargle Slime>, responsible for your digestive tract from start to finish.]

Mm, mm.

Ah, ah.

Mic test. Mic test.

Good.

I should say this famous line here.

“Why are you eating toothpaste?”

Humans using something made for oral health to take care of their gut health.

Why do people insist on taking on gamer challenges in real life?

They really keep coming up with unexpected ways to use things.

It’s not that my creativity is lacking compared to theirs.

This is just a difference in physical capabilities.

It’s all because my Slime body is just too superior.

My soles-let alone letting athlete’s foot fungus live there, the moment it says, “I’m leaving this place!” it falls into a Slime swamp and dies. How would I know if <Insole Slime> works on athlete’s foot?

How would I know if <Pack Slime> works on the skin diseases that develop there? I have invincible skin that doesn’t break out even if I eat 15kg of sugar, chew through 20kg of fried chicken, and chug 15L of cola!

And vitality? Down there… down there!

<Tear Slime> <Tear Slime>

It’s the same for this <Gargle Slime>. With a state-of-the-art digestive system that instantly decomposes and absorbs everything that enters the mouth, nothing I eat even reaches the bottom.

I’m a dream pure idol Slime who can confidently say, “The bathroom? Isn’t that just a place to look in the mirror?”

It’s not a bad thing.

In fact, it’s actually a pretty good thing.

The only problem is if someone mistakes other <Slime> as edible and gets sick eating it.

There was even someone who ate <Slime> as sashimi last time, so I’m prepared.

All <Slime> alchemy products except for <Gargle Slime> are extremely bitter.

The moment you put it in your mouth, it’s so bitter you wonder if your soul just took a bath in volcanic ash.

No sane person would eat other <Slime> just because you can eat <Gargle Slime>.

[Trying the world’s most bitter Slime!]

But how messed up do you have to be to turn this into a challenge?

Now that production volume has increased and it’s a bit easier to get, people are really doing all sorts of things.

Are they just lacking common sense, or are they not even human?

Maybe W-tubers really aren’t human after all.

Laxative… well, that sounds a bit much.

If you call it guaranteed smooth-slime, then 2,000 won per piece isn’t expensive.

There are yogurts that claim to help you go that cost over 1,000 won, and even some that go over 7,000 won.

I thought it was a slightly aggressive price point, but now it’s turned into a cost-effective slime.

I wonder if this will happen in the future.

As soon as you wake up in the morning, you pop a Slime in your mouth by your bed.

You chew it as you walk to the bathroom, gulp it down, and-golden liberation!

I feel like there will be plenty of people who start their day feeling refreshed both up and down.

No, this is too good to just leave as a prediction.

Why not market it that way?

Just show this scene on an observational variety show featuring a middle-aged male celebrity.

There used to be TV shows that shared health tips. It’d be fine to feature it on something like that, too.

How would you get it featured?

That’s for Counselor Park Taeyang to figure out.

Riiing.

[Counselor Park Taeyang]

This guy isn’t exactly a saint, either.

It’s been a while since he last called.

Ever since he threw up the <Curse Fragment>, he’s complained less about inventory.

Don’t tell me he’s going to insist I increase <Gargle Slime> sales?

I’m open to the idea.

I’m still hiding half my ability right now.

“This is Alchemy Slime.”

-Alchemy Slime-nim. Hello, this is Counselor Park Taeyang. Do you have a moment?

“Yes. What did you call about?”

-I have something I’d like to propose.

“Okay, go ahead.”

-Did you know that photos and videos of SLimelove are spreading among overseas streamers right now?

“Yes.”

-What do you think about sending them gifts to promote the products?

He’s really serious about pioneering the overseas market.

I get it, since the domestic market is basically conquered.

“You’re not trying to export again, are you?”

-No. This is a proposal because I expect it will help attract Korean tourists.

Now that my face is everywhere, it is a good time for promotion.

“I heard it’s hard to ship alchemy products overseas, though?”

-If it’s a gift, not a sale, there are fewer restrictions.

Each country has different alchemy laws, so even sending gifts is a delicate matter.

That’s why last time, overseas was excluded from the prize event.

If it’s that tricky for gifts, it must be even tougher to sign an ad contract involving money and products.

“Is this a hidden advertisement?”

-We just want to send gifts with no prior agreement.

So, just send them as gifts without asking them to advertise.

Hoping the streamer will voluntarily make a video after receiving the gift.

If money isn’t involved, regulations are looser.

But to avoid trouble later, it really does have to feel like just a gift.

That means it should be sent in SLimelove’s name.

Sending it from the Alchemy Center is too obvious.

If I send it in my name and the recipient has a bad experience, I could get caught up in an international lawsuit.

Well, I’m confident there won’t be any problems, so it’s fine.

I’m convinced <Pack Slime> is safe even if you put it in your ear or nose.

You wonder who would actually do that?

There really are a lot of weird people in the world who lack common sense.

If you put <Pack Slime> in your nose, it feels like it would clean your nasal passages, and if you put it in your ear, it feels like it would clean your ears.

“Even if it’s a gift, isn’t it a bit too obvious to send <Insole Slime>, <Pack Slime>, the <Mosquito> series, or <Gargle Slime>? Don’t tell me you want to send the <Singing Slime> or <Penguin Slime> I gave away as gifts?”

-…No.

“That pause is suspicious.”

-…Is that not allowed?

“Wow… I’m disappointed.”

-I’m sorry.

“Those are the items I gave to SLimelove fans. Imagine if they’re given to a famous streamer just because they’re famous. How betrayed would SLimelove fans feel?”

-I’m sorry.

“It’d be better to just do another prize event for overseas fans. Last time, they were excluded. If we do it now, I bet a ton of streamers looking for airtime will enter, so your chances of getting what you want are pretty high.”

-Would you be able to do that?

“I can. But you’re not going to rig it, right? You’re really going to pick randomly and send them out. You should even stream the drawing process live.”

When you’re in the spotlight like now, your actions are way more likely to cause controversy than usual.

Let’s keep it clean. Clean and simple.

***

“Look who’s here.”

“Greetings. Human. I am. SLimelove. Here. To conquer. The world.”

“Oh~ So cute! You want to eat this slime? Yes! I want to gobble it up. Grr.”

“Let go of me. Bear. Slime. Not for eating. Bear.”

“Call me Pola.”

“Slime.”

“Are you going to keep talking like that?”

“We’ll see.”