Chapter 39: Panacea?

Hello, this is Emergency Rations.

I’m at home, and this is Emergency Rations.

A guest has come to visit for the big holiday.

The owner’s family came, and surprisingly, they were quite ordinary.

What kind of mysterious force must intervene for such an ordinary family to produce something like that?

Pardon me. That expression just now is a secret.

After the family left, the owner was clearly disheartened.

I couldn’t quite figure out why they were like that.

On the day of Chuseok, the owner’s friend came to visit.

The saying ‘Birds of a Feather’ exists for a reason.

I thought the owner was something else, but the friend was just as bad, if not worse.

I was amazed at the owner’s guts for hanging out with someone like that. The owner’s courage must be overflowing. They keep filling the house with Slime, so maybe their courage doesn’t fit inside and they have to let it out.

After Birds of a Feather Number 2 left and Birds of a Feather Number 1 contacted them, the disheartened owner came back to life.

It’s a relief, but not entirely a good thing.

I have one complaint about the owner.

Actually, I have several, but there’s one major complaint.

I wish they wouldn’t eat delicious things alone and would share a little.

If you’re going to live in a house inhabited by a house’s spirit, isn’t it common sense to leave cookies or bread and milk in the corner?

No matter how inhuman they look or how non-human their actions are, I wish they had at least a minimum level of common sense.

Personally, I like popcorn and cola.

It would be even better if there’s a drama or movie on TV.

But that owner eats alone again.

Pardon me. Not that owner, but the owner.

“Pfft!”

Nice!

The owner spat out cola and spilled popcorn on the floor.

I’ll eat well.

People don’t know this, but a portion of food dropped on the floor belongs to the house.

It’s the rule for a house’s spirit.

By the way, the human world is truly amazing.

I never thought there would be another person in the world with the same fashion sense as the owner.

***

Is it the costume team’s fault, the writer’s fault, the PD’s fault, some crazy product placement, or did someone deliberately set out to mess with the higher-ups?

Watching the Chuseok special variety show, I saw a figure that looked like I was staring into a mirror.

If it were at least someone wearing a Slime mask, I could understand.

SLimelove is getting attention from the world, after all.

If they want to fight me over character copyright issues, let them try.

But that’s not the case here.

Cat ear headset.

Fluorescent rainbow space hoodie.

Twelve zodiac animals gold leaf pants.

Work boots.

They came out wearing my fashion terrorist outfit.

Ah, but they did upgrade it a bit by wearing half-finger leather gloves.

In a makeover variety show where they style someone with terrible fashion sense in 15 minutes, a newbie playing the client went overboard.

But what were they thinking, recording this as is and broadcasting it?

Sure, it’s shocking.

It definitely leaves an impression in your mind.

But is this right?

Hey, newbie. Are you okay with the fashion terrorist image following you for the rest of your life?

You’re an idol, are you really okay with this?

Experts transform the newbie into a new form.

And they show comparison photos of before and after.

But the new outfit doesn’t even register in my eyes.

With a fluorescent rainbow space thing pulling attention like a black hole next to it, how could anything else catch my eye?

Is this variety show okay?

“Hahaha.”

Why is this world so desperate to hit me in the back of the head?

It was absurd, but pretty funny.

Thanks to the variety show, my mood improved.

Shall I continue developing new products?

Ah, before that, I need to clean up the spilled cola and popcorn.

Just rubbing it with my foot should do the trick.

The popcorn seems to have decreased a bit. Is it just my imagination?

Probably just my imagination.

I made an orb on the palm of my hand.

The shape is the same as a Jelly Slime orb.

Only the color is different.

This one is dark red.

Random Jelly Slime (Spicy Flavor)

– A Slime whose flavor you can’t know until you put it in your mouth. Since it’s spicy, half of it is filled with mischief.

I released Random Jelly Slime (Mild Flavor) to bring some fun, but people boringly treat it as diet food. So I put some effort into this.

I tried to make fun food to sell well.

But since people don’t look for fun in food, I’m releasing something only a few will seek out.

It feels like the means and ends have reversed, but who cares?

Still no contact from Counselor Park Taeyang.

Well, they’re probably busy thinking about how to take action.

Originally, I planned to send Random Jelly Slime (Spicy Flavor) to the Alchemy Center by the end of the Chuseok holiday.

But with the thieves causing chaos over there, it seems it’ll be delayed.

Before releasing Random Jelly Slime (Spicy Flavor), I’m checking if any side effects of Random Jelly Slime (Mild Flavor) have been discovered.

[Eating this will drastically lower your blood sugar.]

[If you struggle with blood sugar management, you must see this.]

[15 things you didn’t know about Random Jelly Slime.]

A delayed attack?

It lowers blood sugar?

That can’t be right.

I didn’t imbue any effect into Random Jelly Slime (Mild Flavor). Saying it lowers blood sugar is no different from saying drinking water lowers blood sugar.

You have to consume glucose for blood sugar to drop.

Ah, as expected. The story is that eating Jelly Slime makes you not crave snacks, so blood sugar drops. It’s sweet, but since it doesn’t raise blood sugar, they express it as blood sugar dropping.

I didn’t give it any effect, I swear.

First dieting, now diabetes.

Next, they’ll probably say it works for high blood pressure too.

***

October 2. Still in the middle of the holiday.

Three weeks since releasing Random Jelly Slime (Mild Flavor).

A doctor who is also a W-tuber released the results of a three-week study.

[Jelly Slime is very effective in treating the four major adult diseases.]

– It works similarly to insulin and increases cell insulin sensitivity –

– Even with large intake, hypoglycemia does not occur –

-Cholesterol levels decrease-

-Removes cholesterol deposited in blood vessels, reducing the degree of arteriosclerosis-

What kind of panacea is this!

“<Random Jelly Slime (Mild Flavor)>. Explain yourself.”

“No matter how much you are our creator, do not define our limits! We have our own unique properties!”

“Don’t talk nonsense. What do you mean by insulin role and insulin resistance?”

“Isn’t it basic manners to hold the door for the person behind you when passing through? If the door doesn’t open easily, you might as well grease it up a bit. Well, I did eat a little in return.”

“What about not getting hypoglycemia even with large intake?”

“Brother, I may be a rough guy, but I don’t mess with the poor.”

“And what’s with the cholesterol?”

“If you enjoyed me, shouldn’t I enjoy something too! I greased my mouth a bit! So what!”

“Why do you all speak so differently?”

“Because I am a random blob liquid monster, sire.”

After a solo meeting, I roughly figured out why <Jelly Slime> turned into something like a panacea.

I didn’t give any effect to <Random Jelly Slime (Mild Flavor)>.

To be more precise, I didn’t decide what effect <Random Jelly Slime (Mild Flavor)> would have on a person.

For example, <Insole Slime+> has the purpose of healing and smoothing a person’s foot.

<Pack Slime> has the purpose of smoothing a person’s skin.

<Mosquito Extermination Slime> has the purpose of driving away mosquitoes.

And <Random Jelly Slime (Mild Flavor)>? It has random flavors. That’s all.

The <Slime> I created did show uses beyond my expectations, but there was still a direction.

I didn’t set that direction for <Jelly Slime>.

So, it seems <Jelly Slime> decided for itself.

To enjoy gastronomy.

Even though the video title grandly claims it’s effective for treating the four major adult diseases, don’t be mistaken.

<Jelly Slime> is not a panacea.

It just ate up the unnecessary excess stuff in the body while moving through the blood vessels.

The reason this happened?

Because it’s a Slime.

Even if I changed its properties with the [Transform] skill, the <Slime> I created is a Slime made by detaching from my body with [Divide]. Even if I can set a direction with [Divide] and [Control] skills, the essence of being a part of me, a Slime, doesn’t change.

A faint ability to judge remains, and it inherits part of my personality and skills.

To put it in an analogy… yeah.

The <Slime> I create is like a lump of nanomachines programmed after me.

What do I do?

Apart from making items and filming videos, I just roam the internet world, eating this and that.

<Jelly Slime> behaves the same way.

It can’t create something like I do.

So, it roams inside blood vessels, eating this and that.

It’s just doing the same behavior.

Then, when the time comes, it will break into tiny pieces and be excreted as urine.

I’m glad I’m a kind and mannerly person.

Imagine if I were a scoundrel.

What kind of havoc would the <Slime> that inherited my nature wreak inside someone’s body?

***

-We decided to hand them over to America.

The thieves Gongsooni caught. I wondered how they would be dealt with, but it seems they will be sent to America.

“Doesn’t that hurt our prestige?”

-It did come up, but the American side pushed hard.

Even if our country growls, many countries would just scoff. The weakness of our country’s laws on industrial spies accelerates the perception of it as a joke.

So, the big and scary Uncle Sam pushed us aside and took the lead.

-It’s much better this way for preventing recurrence.

That’s true. The possibility of it being swept under the rug to avoid conflict with other countries is low.

“Luckily, there was a justification.”

-We contracted that a portion of the production volume of <Insole Slime> will belong to America as soon as it’s produced. Among the things they tried to steal was property of America that we were holding.

Then they can’t be treated as industrial spies.

It’s a bit of a shame.

-So, this time, we plan to significantly expand the sales items.

“Yes, yes. Go ahead.”

They’re planning to mix American items into every line to strengthen security.

“If they had targeted us after expanding the sales items, they could have gained bigger profits. What a shame.”

-….

The profits from exports must have been significantly reduced.

“You’re not going to say I have to bear the burden because profits decreased, right?”

-Absolutely not.

“You didn’t set the amount supplied to America by quantity, did you?”

-We will set it by ratio.

Then it’s none of my business.

“So. Besides being a tiger’s pawn, what other measures are there?”

As we can see from this incident, the security at Seoul Central Alchemy Center has many holes.

Well, until now, our country didn’t have alchemy technology worth targeting.

It’s like a neighborhood with no thieves doesn’t invest in security measures.

Most of the items sold are licensed production. Occasionally, improved items or new products come out, but they’re at a level where knockoffs can be made quickly.

Studying in Korea leads nowhere, so many go overseas.

Alchemists who go overseas don’t come back.

In such an alchemy wasteland, an alchemist who can compete on a global level emerged.

There’s no way there would be a response manual.

-We plan to increase security personnel, inspect and improve security facilities. Also, increase the audit team members-

Extremely obvious measures came up.

Security issues are mostly solved by spending money.

Normally, that money feels like a waste, and people struggle to cut it down, so problems erupt.

-And we decided to dispatch escorts to Slime-nim.

“I don’t need them.”

-Soon, Slime-nim’s address will be revealed. It might already be known.

“Looks like you couldn’t catch the spies.”

-….

“I have no intention of leaving my house, so what escort? If they want close protection, they need to be nearby. Can they afford the housing prices around here just for escorting? You’re not suggesting I let them into my house, are you?”

-It’s too late after something happens.

“How dare you say that.”

Aren’t you ashamed?

It’s like a cow putting out a fire in a burning barn with its urine.

-Please give us a chance to correct our mistakes.

“I’ll give you a chance, but find another way. Or buy the house next door.”

I’m worried and uncomfortable about my identity being exposed, so how could I live with someone?

Of course, I refuse.

How much was the house next door again?

“Or should I charge rent? I think the current value of the house I live in is about 100 billion. How much should I charge for rent?”

-Is there really no way?

“Then let’s do this. If the escort can infiltrate my house, I’ll let them in quietly. If they can’t even do that, I don’t need such escorts.”

Dru-wa~ Dru-wa~.

Let’s take this opportunity to see how impregnable the fortress of my modified Emergency Rations is.

***

“Whenever the seasons change, an uninvited guest arrives without fail. Rhinitis. Many of you suffer from a stuffy nose, headaches, and runny nose because of rhinitis, right? I heard there’s a secret method to drive away this troublesome rhinitis here, so I’ve come to check it out.”

<Jelly Slime> So, these guys are next, huh.

Right. As a senior, I can’t lose to my juniors, can I?