Chapter 40: Attempted infiltration.

The middle schooler gripped the railing and stared blankly at the river.

“I want to die.”

At first, it was just something he said lightly.

“I want to die.”

Layer upon layer, these words began to weigh heavily on his chest.

“I want to die.”

It felt as if he were sinking underwater.

Rhinitis.

This illness was the reason that brought him to this place.

People who don’t know say things like this.

They ask what’s so serious about rhinitis that you’d even think of dying.

That’s something only someone ignorant could say.

The stuffiness and headaches are just the basics.

Even after sleeping at night, you’re tired and can’t focus in class.

No matter how much you brush your teeth, your breath smells like farts. Because of this, you can’t talk to people.

Swallowing mucus fills your stomach with gas, and because of that, you’ve had more than a few embarrassing incidents.

The sound of sniffling gets you glares during listening tests and exams-it’s just part of daily life.

People keep their distance from you as if you’re carrying the plague.

A snot-nosed kid with lowered intelligence.

A filthy brat who eats his own snot.

A dung dog who eats poop he’s pooped out.

During the sensitive years of adolescence, these stares cornered his heart.

The more that happened, the longer he spent gazing at the river.

People say drowning is painful, but isn’t it just for a moment?

Compared to this endless suffering, it would end in an instant.

Still, there was one last hope.

<Mint Choco Gargle Slime> and <Pack Slime>.

He left home at dawn, skipped school, and went to the Alchemy Center to buy them.

The middle schooler played a WTube video.

-Attach <Pack Slime> to your face. Once it’s on, press down firmly next to your nose with your thumb joint and rub like this. Some mucus might come out, but don’t worry. <Pack Slime> will take care of it cleanly.

Following the instructions, amazingly, the mucus came streaming out and a narrow passage opened in his nose.

Just from that, it felt like his long-stale lungs were finally ventilated, and his chest felt lighter.

-Once you can breathe through your nose, put <Gargle Slime> in your mouth. Be careful not to swallow it right away.

It tasted so much better than expected that he almost swallowed it immediately.

-Try to breathe as much as possible through your nose while waiting for the <Gargle Slime> to dissolve completely.

-Once it’s dissolved, use your tongue to massage the roots of your teeth thoroughly.

-Next, use your tongue to massage every corner of your palate as if you’re spreading the <Gargle Slime> around.

-With the base of your tongue, massage near your uvula as if you’re rubbing the <Gargle Slime> there too.

-At this time, don’t forget to breathe as much as possible through your nose.

-Finish by swallowing the <Gargle Slime>-that’s it!

-Repeat this whenever you feel stuffy and your rhinitis will improve a lot.

-Don’t give up.

-Because rhinitis can be overcome.

After removing the <Pack Slime>, the middle schooler smelled the fishy scent of the river for the first time in ages.

“Sniff.”

Soon, mucus started to flow again.

But this time, it was for a reason different from what had tormented him for so long.

***

Emergency Rations Testing.

It does sound a bit weird, though.

I still haven’t checked just how impregnable my house is.

So, if you want to be my bodyguard, try breaking into my house! That’s the condition I set.

Basically, I’m saying I don’t want a bodyguard.

The Emergency Rations I modified are invincible.

Since I’ll know when they’re coming, I’ll be prepared, so they said they’d attack at a random time within a week.

So, I just need to do my own thing without worrying about it.

[How to Overcome Rhinitis with <Pack Slime> and <Gargle Slime>]

This time, people were curious what new and amazing slime use I’d come up with, and it turned out to be rhinitis treatment.

Honestly, I expected rhinitis treatment.

People even put menthol oil in their noses when they’re stuffed up, so why not <Pack Slime>?

I wondered if it would be like water torture, shoving <Pack Slime> up your nose.

Thankfully, the trending method was much gentler.

Hold <Gargle Slime> in your mouth and put <Pack Slime> on your face.

It’s a pretty reasonable method.

<Gargle Slime> and <Pack Slime> kill germs, remove foreign substances, and reduce inflammation. Attacking from above and below at the same time should double the effect.

Thanks to <Jelly Slime>, I also learned something new.

If you hold <Gargle Slime> in your mouth for a long time, some <Gargle Nano Slimes> will travel from your mouth to your nose as you exhale. <Pack Nano Slimes> will also penetrate inward as you inhale. Those will really help remove the mucus and inflammation built up in your sinuses.

The stock of <Pack Slime> is managed by the Alchemy Center, so there’s not much I need to do.

I should increase the production volume of <Gargle Slime> and <Jelly Slime>.

<Random Jelly Slime (Strong Flavor)>.

Is this one doing okay?

It’s pretty easy to infer the cause from the result, but the opposite is hard.

That’s true for most things.

★★★★★ 5.0/5.0

-I almost died eating this. Here’s what happened-

There’s something strange in the Alchemy Shop reviews.

If you almost died, why give it five stars?

“Puhahaha.”

Yeah. This is exactly what I hoped for when I released <Random Jelly Slime (Mild Flavor)>.

***

Hello. This is Emergency Rations.

The owner says they’re going to test my stats.

Well, I have no complaints.

I was originally born as a thought-form from a desire to protect.

Guarding the house is my specialty.

If there’s popcorn, cola, and the TV is on, I’m even better at it.

An evil spirit that strangles you and whispers curses.

A holy spirit that sprinkles glitter on your head and sings lullabies.

Compared to those two, the direct influence a house’s spirit can have on the residents isn’t much.

Things like keeping the indoor temperature and humidity comfortable, or making dropped food disappear on its own.

Since the owner is a slime, I can’t really do anything meaningful anyway.

But at least when it comes to defending the house.

At least when it comes to protecting the owner from external threats.

An evil spirit whose only power is to torment the residents.

A holy spirit whose only power is to soothe the owner.

I’m on a whole different level from those two.

Come at me if you dare!

That’s what I’m saying.

***

A Grade B Hunter who worked for years as an explorer in dungeons.

Some people know him as a Hunter, but wanting a stable life, he quit hunting and joined a security company.

A bodyguard must quickly identify both entry and escape routes.

In other words, an excellent bodyguard can also become the worst kind of intruder.

He doesn’t know who owns the house he’s breaking into today.

All he knows is that the owner is incredibly wealthy.

‘If you want to protect me, prove your ability.’

Even saying something like that, the wealth is so overwhelming that you just accept it.

If he succeeds in breaking in, his retirement is set for life.

There’s something most people don’t realize: living in a fortress-style house, they think it will easily block intruders.

That’s not necessarily true.

Fortress-style houses are basically designed to keep out monsters, not people.

The more you compromise for budget and convenience, the stronger that tendency becomes.

For example, the position and number of windows.

Most monsters that burst out during a typical dungeon break prioritize moving like herds of buffalo, not ambushing people.

Of course, quite a few monsters rampage and wreak havoc, but monsters that actually climb walls to break into houses are rare.

So the most common design is to build high walls and avoid windows on the first floor, but put lots of windows on the upper floors.

People who care a bit more about security reduce the number of windows and use special materials for the glass. Even with this much care, it’s often not enough to stop people.

Most monsters try to smash through windows, not unlock them. Locks are designed with that in mind.

That’s why you can often open them with ordinary tools like electromagnets or special alchemy tools.

‘Not many windows.’

The Hunter pressed a suction cup against the wall. Whatever they coated the wall with, the suction cup just slid right off. He couldn’t tell if he was holding a suction cup or an air hockey paddle.

He looked for any ledge or gap to support himself, but saw nothing.

That’s fine. There’s always a way.

It’s easy to overlook, but many people use digital door locks for convenience. No matter how sturdy the door, the lock is relatively weak. With just a few tools, you can break it in seconds.

The request form clearly said he could use any means necessary.

‘No door lock.’

It’s an analog lock.

He’s an explorer. When you go through dungeons, you often have to unlock complex devices. Some traps are just as complicated as the latest locks.

He’s unlocked all kinds of things like that.

He took out his lockpicking tools.

‘No keyhole.’

If operated from inside, the mechanism physically blocks the keyhole.

That’s fine.

As long as the resident is a modern person, there’s always another weakness.

That weakness is deliveries.

No matter how sturdy the door, if it opens on its own, its strength is meaningless.

He rang the doorbell.

-Who is it.

“Delivery.”

-You must be new. There’s a delivery box next to the door, just leave it there.

“Sorry, but I don’t know where it is.”

Beep! Beep! Beep! Beep!

The delivery box made a racket, insisting on its presence.

He opened the door and looked inside; there was a small room.

Rails were laid on the floor, and at the end of the rails, a sturdy-looking wall had come down.

Even if he tried to break in from here, he’d just get trapped in this space.

‘This is it.’

He hired someone to put the box he was in into the delivery box.

It was only possible because the delivery box was so huge.

All he had to do was wait, then rush out when the delivery was brought inside.

Thud.

A strange noise came from above his head.

Chishishishik.

He heard the sound of the box melting.

“Aaaaagh!”

A flood of jelly swallowed him whole.

***

Are you serious.

Sneak in by hiding inside a delivery box?

Did you really think I wouldn’t prepare for something that basic?

If that’s all you’ve got, I’m honestly disappointed.

I thought you’d at least try to break through a window, but you can’t even climb the wall?

The windows were already sturdy, but I added slime coating with tons of monster materials.

Not only does it increase durability, it’s super convenient since I never have to clean them.

Still, glass is glass.

I was hoping to run some strength tests, just in case they could break.

-He says he gives up.

“I’m disappointed.”

-Sorry. If I can make an excuse, everyone who was assigned this job gave up just by looking at the blueprints.

“So the person who tried didn’t even have the ability to judge the blueprints?”

-That’s right.

If that’s the case, they should have just not hired that person and given up.

Well, I get it. You can’t submit a report saying everyone gave up just by looking at the blueprints. If your boss told you to do it, you have to.

“That person won’t leak my address, right?”

-We didn’t reveal whose house it was when we made the request.

“That’s a relief.”

I’m not thrilled that they showed the blueprints, though.

But honestly, if foreign spies couldn’t get at least that much, it’s a more accurate test in a way.

-Can you provide security when you go out?

“Keeping someone on permanent hire would be a waste of money.”

I have no plans to go out anyway.

Honestly, I’d rather have them protect my family.

I already requested that from the Peace Guild.

There’s no point in running two security programs at once, right?

They’ll just interfere with each other.

Anyway, bodyguards are a NO!

***

Hello. This is Emergency Rations.

We almost had an emergency.

Where did such a skilled person even come from.

Does this mean the owner has become a big shot too.

I’m not talking about the owner or some rookie.

There was an intruder who tried to sneak in by hiding in the shadows.

Shadow movement, seriously.

Is this the 21st century ninja?

If it wasn’t for me, they would have gotten in for sure.

And do you think that’s all?

There were even eyes trying to see through the walls.

If it wasn’t for me, they would have gotten in for sure!

There was even someone who sent a spirit.

Thank you for the meal.

The last two seemed to just be testing the waters, not going all out, but the shadow was dangerous.

The owner probably doesn’t have the slightest clue how much trouble his house is going through.

If he ever slept, I’d whisper “popcorncolapopcorncolapopcorn” in his ear like a curse.

But since he doesn’t sleep, what can I do.

Sigh.

I guess I just have to endure it, with a heart as broad as the land itself.

Hey, I said don’t eat it all by yourself!

***

[<Random Jelly Slime (extremely spicy flavor)> Almost died after eating]

I bought it and tried it after reading the reviews, you know?

I almost died too.

└Honestly, after seeing that, there’s no way you wouldn’t buy it.

└The gacha here is spicy. Seriously spicy.

└Escape depends on intelligence.

└This jerk just wanted to eat it alone.

└It’s obvious Yeonseul exploded coming up with this product.

└I have money! What’s with only 3 pulls a day! Give us 10 pulls!

└For real lol

└For real lol

—

[Yeonseul needs to release a guaranteed pull for Spicy Jelsl.]

I’d buy it even if it’s 30,000 won each.

└1

└22

└333

└4444

└For real

└666666